The Original High (Koli) ✔️

4: I Just Want To Sing

Two agonizing days went by, and the orange pills that I had taken at Matty's last time had completely left my system. I had no energy or will to do anything, and I was slipping back into my routine of over-popping my anxiety pills and anti-depressants.

Feeling as miserable as ever, I sat at the kitchen table, trying to get some food into my stomach when my parents both came home from work. "I see you're spending yet another day doing absolutely nothing." My father snarled at me.

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him as I shoved another spoonful of cheerios into my mouth. Every bite I swallowed made me feel sicker and sicker... but I had to eat something.

"Kellin, honey... won't you please consider going to college?" My mother then asked, starting her usual plead. I just sighed in response.

"Don't bother, Patricia." My father told my mother once again. "He's no good at anything. What could you possibly expect him to achieve in college? We might as well burn our money in the fireplace!"

His words pierced through me like a hot knife going through butter. It hurt to know that he thought so low of me. And trust me, it wasn't just since the drug abuse that he treated me like this. He had done this pretty much as long as I could remember, and it just got worse since my sister had moved out.

"Do you not have ambitions, future plans, dreams?" My mother then asked, her voice still pleading, almost desperate for me to cave in to her request.

I had dreams. Of course I had dreams. I had written songs, recorded them as best I could with the equipment that I had and sent it out wherever I could. But apart from the few YouTube fans that I had... it just wouldn't lift off. "You know that I just want to sing." I whispered between gritted teeth, already knowing what would come next.

My father let out a loud, mocking laugh. "Oh please." He spat, still laughing. The sound and his lack of faith- it broke my heart. "No child of mine is going to end up as some rock star. I told your sister the same thing before I kicked her out."

"You didn't kick her out! Tay was smart enough to leave." I practically shouted at him, now wondering why the heck I hadn't yet. Sadly, I did know why. Because of my stupid drug problem I never had much money. And the money I did make was not nearly enough to pay rent. I was basically stuck here.

"Your sister is a disappointment- and you're even worse." My father then snarled.

I tried my hardest to fight back the tears. But he was right; I was a disappointment. I had no talent for anything. I defied him in every way I possibly could. And all I did was mess up my entire fucking life... it's the only thing I was successful at.

I needed to get the hell out, even if it was for just a little bit.

"Where do you think you're going?" My father asked in a dark and demanding tone as I got up and left the kitchen.

"Just going to do absolutely nothing... outside." I murmured mockingly.

"Don't you dare use that tone to me!" I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed. I wanted to go back and say something, but I couldn't. I was too scared that he'd hit me again. Or worse. I didn't want him to do that. Oh how I wished he would just love me for once.

Tears escaped my eyes and I felt so embarrassed. I hated him so much and yet... I threw my hood over my head, stuffed my hands into my pockets and headed out. I walked and walked the endless streets, until I suddenly heard someone call my name.

I then stopped dead in my tracks, not really recognizing who it was at first, and slowly turned around to meet them. "Well hey there, Kellin." It was Jake. And for some reason, a little spark of hope flashed before my eyes.

Or was it just the horrible sunlight fucking with me?

"Damn dude, sorry to say it, but you're not looking so hot." He pointed out with a mildly concerned look on his face as he inspected mine.

I chuckled sarcastically. "Withdrawal... parents... life." I murmured.

He simply nodded in understanding. "Say, have you spoken to Matty lately?" He was acting just a bit nervous to be honest. I wondered why.

"Nope. Hence the withdrawal." I joked. "Why?"

Jake scratched the back of his head and laughed a little. "Well, he was literally crying about wanting you back the other day." Crying? Really? So much for me supposedly crawling back to him, eh?

I raised an eyebrow and busted out laughing once I realized that he was being serious. "Well too bad for him, he's used up all his chances. Literally, all of them and then some." There was no way in hell that I was ever getting back together with Matty. I was done with him. I wanted a serious relationship; someone that I could actually depend on, and not just for drugs. And that definitely wasn't going to happen with Matty. I knew that now.

Jake's nervous behavior subsided and he then looked at me with a slight grin. "So, you wanna go out sometime? Maybe tonight?" He asked.

I bit my lip and shrugged a little. "Don't know- not looking so hot right?" I said, repeating his earlier statement.

"Oh I'm sure I can fix that for you." He shot me a playful wink and for some reason it made me giggle.

We then talked for just a little bit longer and set a time and place for where we'd meet up that night. I was really surprised by just how nice Jake was. He was kind and helpful too. Somehow he seemed to care about me anyways, and that felt nice.

As I walked back home later that day I wondered to myself... did I like Jake a little more than I wanted to admit? I smiled to myself as I thought about him and how he smiled at me earlier. Was I crushing on him?

Ugh, my feelings were out of whack so often. I got upset too easily- I fell for people too fast... hence me being a mess.

I sat around in my room and sighed as I heard my father complain about me again in the living room. Repeating over and over how worthless I was, and how they never should've had me in the first place. My mother never opened her mouth to my father. She never defended me. But I was never sure whether that was because she was on his side, or merely because she was just as scared of him as I was.

Most of the time I expected it to be the first.

Why would she care anyway, I was just a worthless drug addict.