The Original High (Koli) ✔️

8: Good Guys Do Exist

Overtime, the hate towards Vic blew over, but my reputation of band whore stuck around like a dirty diaper to a wall and remained to be just as hurtful.

Wherever I showed up online, haters would be bashing me like mad. And not just online. I tried to ignore it, and I guess I was successful most of the time.

I had permanently moved in with my sister, and she kept a very close eye on me. She checked in quite often to see if I wasn't using too many of my prescription medication, and to keep her happy, I made it seem like I wasn't. Of course I had my ways to hide that I wasn't on any other drugs either, though to be honest, she probably knew better.

I just couldn't help myself; I was addicted to the feeling that it gave me. Or more, I was addicted to the feelings I didn't have to feel while I was high. And however desperate and completely fucked up it sounded... the only time that I felt any kind of happiness was when I was in fact high.

During Warped Tour that summer I had met officially met with Vic's friend- the infamous Oliver that he spoke so much about. We ended up hanging out a lot. We occasionally wrote music together and we drank pretty responsibly. I felt okay around him and it seemed to please Vic.

He had invited me over for a few days, so of course I joined. I loved concerts, and Warped Tour was like the music mecca.

My sister on the other hand, was not so pleased. "Another band member?" She would ask, disapprovingly. "You'll never get rid of your reputation that way."

Of course I knew that. But Oli and I were just friends. Besides, I didn't want to hurt his career with my stupid reputation anyway, nor disturb his life with my drug abuse. So we were keeping our friendship low profile. Or as low profile as hanging out at Warped could get, at least.

"So did you like the show?" Oli asked me as he got off the side of the stage, wiping his face with a towel, crowd in the background still going mad.

I then handed him a chilled water bottle from the cooling box beside the stage and smiled. "Yeah, I really like the sound. What's the name of the band again?"

Oli chuckled and took a few gulps of water. "Bring Me The Horizon." He told me with pride in his distinct British accent as he flung an arm around my shoulders and walked with me back to the tour bus.

"You named your band after a quote from a drunk pirate?" I asked curiously. Oli just smiled and nodded.

Oh the irony.

"Seriously. . ." Jordan then started when he joined us. "When the fuck are you two going to get married? Because honestly, this is just painful." He stated, waving a finger at the way Oli was resting his arm around me.

Oli chuckled softly. "Give it up, mate." He started with an amused tone.

"Yeah, we are never going to marry." I confirmed to Jordan as I threw him an evil glare.

"Well why the fuck not?" He asked, completely oblivious. Was he actually being serious here?

I nudged him in the side, wishing he'd just shut up as it was starting to get a little awkward. "Because I'm the band whore, remember?" I quoted; knowing how many people around Warped called me that too. "A band whore doesn't date or get married. I just fuck and leave, apparently." I added darkly.

Oli tightened his grip on my shoulder a little and smiled down at me. I knew he didn't think of me that way, although I honestly didn't understand why. I didn't even get why he backed Vic up during that whole situation with Jake and Matty.

As Jordan walked off, I sighed and turned towards Oliver. "I'm just gonna go take a shower." I announced, needing a moment to myself and out of the summer heat.

He gave me a quick nod and let go of me. "Alright. See you at the barbeque?"

I raised an eyebrow and chuckled as I glanced back at him. "Another barbecue? Man we've been having nothing but barbecues since the day we arrived."

Oli started his signature croaky laugh. "It's what we do." He simply said.

I rolled my eyes and casually walked off into the tour bus. I tried my hardest to hide it from everyone else, but deep down inside I was crashing. Hard. I snatched my bottles of pills from my bunk and dove under the shower.

Of course these weren't enough, though. Not enough to take away what I felt every single day.

Band whore. . .

Life ruiner. . .

Pill popper. . .

Those were the thoughts that I had to deal with, day and night.

I let myself slip down onto the small shower ground and downed a few pills as I let the water hit me, waiting for them to kick in at least a little.

My eyes felt hot and of course I was crying. I was miserable- I just didn't show it to anyone. I hadn't actually used anything else ever since I arrived here, and that had been way over a week.

You're probably thinking that's nothing, but for someone like me who basically depended on it, it felt like more than a lifetime. I spent about an hour just sitting there, drowning myself in my thoughts before I turned the shower off again.

I looked into the mirror and sighed, noticing my red puffy eyes and the dark circles that surrounded them. I dried myself off, applied enough make up to try and make myself look somewhat healthy, and got dressed again. Yes, I actually used to make up to try and hide the fact that I looked like an aging drug addict.

I slipped on a Pierce The Veil shirt for the fun of it, black skinny jeans and my usual toms, lit a cigarette and left the bus. The hot sun was still out and it was making me a little uncomfortable, but I just had to get used to it. It was summer after all.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Vic asked me as I met him on my way to the field.

"I'm fine." I murmured, still trying to get out of my downer-mood.

"Still lying to me, I see." He observed with a chuckle as he flicked my nose and then snatched the cigarette from my fingers.

I frowned and watched him throw it on the ground and step on it with his shoe. "Dude, really?" But he didn't respond.

I groaned, rolling my eyes at him when I then saw the big crowd of people already surrounding a campfire, Austin Carlile and Alan Ashby minding the barbecue.

I crossed my arms and sighed. I could still go back, I thought to myself as I scanned the amount of people that I didn't know who were present, eventually finding Oli and the rest of his band within the crowd.

"Oli's a good guy, you know." Vic then suddenly mentioned as he caught me staring. I looked at him questioningly. "I may know better, but- you don't have to lie to him. You can be honest; he has a past too, he won't judge."

Of course Vic knew me better. But I just wasn't sure if I was ready to be honest to anyone. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be ready for that.