The Original High (Koli) ✔️

14: Shut Me Up

Warped Tour was coming to an end, and I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with myself after that. The bag of pills that I had gotten from Danny mentally burned in my pocket, telling me that it was almost empty. I tried to ignore it as best I could. No matter how miserable I felt, I told myself I wasn't going to use today.

Instead, I sat by a lake and had smoked nearly an entire packet of cigarettes, just to keep myself occupied. My hands were shaky as I inhaled the smoke and blew it out. It was a hot summer's day, but I felt like I was freezing. I was having withdrawal symptoms already.

"So, who are you trying to avoid?" I then heard Jaime's familiar voice ask me, amused but concerned at the same time.

I looked up, watching him sit down beside me and cross his legs as he watched the lake. "No one." I lied. I was clearly avoiding Oliver, but he didn't have to know that.

"You really scared him that night." Jaime then pointed out, flashing a smile my way. Of course I immediately knew what he was talking about.

"Sorry." I murmured, feeling guilty as I thought back on it.

"There's a lot of people that care about you, you know?"

I sighed and lay back in the grass, feeling it tickle the back of my arms and my neck as I buried myself into it. "I wish y'all wouldn't. It'd make things so much easier for everybody." I whispered darkly, but meaning every word.

Jaime then stayed silent. I knew that I was stubborn and difficult to talk to. I didn't let them in even though I knew they tried so hard. It was just better that way. It was better that people didn't know how I truly felt.

They didn't have to know, that deep down inside, I really just wanted to die.

"There you are." I then heard Oli's always-enthusiastic voice say as he bent over me and looked down at me. I squinted my eyes looking into the sun to find his face, and threw him a weak smile. "I've been looking for you all day."

I glanced over at Jaime, whose eyes widened. "Ooh." He whispered knowingly, now understanding what was going on. I gave him a look, silently begging him to stay.

But of course, he did the exact opposite; he threw Oli a smile and gave him a curt nod, got up on his feet and straightened his shirt. "I'll be right over. . . there." He muttered as he then walked off.

In the now empty spot, Oli sat down and looked at me as I struggled to sit up straight again. "You haven't said a word to me since. . ." He didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't have to. "What's wrong?" He then asked.

"Everything is wrong, Oli." I stated bitterly. It didn't exactly explain anything, but it was how I felt. "What did you expect would happen? Did you think that if you'd tell me that you liked me that everything would be okay?"

"No, I just—"

"Nothing is okay, Oli." I then exclaimed, not letting him finish. I got myself stuck in a fit of emotions and slowly I felt a panic attack coming up. "You can't just blurt out your feelings to me and think that's okay. You can't just expect that I—"

But then Oli didn't let me finish my sentence either. He gently grabbed my face with both of his hands and planted his lips on mine, shutting me up instantly. Tears sprung from my eyes, shocked by what he did. But somehow I immediately calmed down again.

When he pulled away, I was ready to continue my rant. "And don't just think that—"

But Oli just grinned and kissed me again.

Slightly frustrated, I finally gave in. Resting my hands on top of his, as he cupped my face, I softly kissed him back. His kiss was passionate and gentle, and his soft lips just felt so nice on mine.

Damnit, I didn't want to feel this way. But I did and I couldn't stop it.

After a minute or so, Oli pulled away and smiled. There was this certain twinkle in his eyes. Instantly I began to blush as I realized we had kissed again, and that he was dead serious about it, too.

I cleared my throat and diverted my eyes down, focusing on a few strands of grass. "An-and you can't just kiss me e-every time you want to sh-shut me up." I stuttered softly as I bit my lip.

Oli chuckled, guilty but pleased with himself. "It seemed to work though." He said as he then reached is hand up to touch my hair and tuck it behind my ear, making me look up at him again. I smiled nervously, still biting my lip, not knowing what to say.

After a moment of silence, Oli spoke again. "I honestly don't expect anything." He explained. "I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. And if you don't feel the same way, then that's fine. I'll feel stupid for a few days, but—"

This time, to shut him up, I kissed him. I didn't know how to express my feelings into words, so I figured this would just have to do. I felt Oli smile into the kiss and press his lips a little firmer onto mine.

A part of me already regretted this, but only because I wanted to protect him from all the shit that I dragged behind me wherever I went. But yes, I did have feelings for him. However, I wasn't sure what to call these feelings just yet. Not since the mistake I had made with Matty and especially with Jake.

I was just a bit more careful with determining what I felt now.