The Original High (Koli) ✔️

12: Destroying Myself

"Finally embracing your reputation as band whore, eh?" Matty mocked as he followed me around between the merchandise stalls.

For the majority of Warped Tour, I had managed to avoid him. But word got around that I was there, and now he wouldn't leave me the fuck alone.

"Shut up." I snarled at him as I quickened my pace.

"I heard you let Worsnop fuck you. That can't possibly be because of his looks, so humor me. . . why did you?"

"I said shut the fuck up!" I repeated in a low growl, seriously getting sick of his stupid behavior. It was none of his business what I did anyways, but just knowing that somehow it got out that I had been with Danny pissed me off all the more.

Matty had caught up with me and suddenly grabbed me by the wrist, swinging me around and backing me up into a van. I winced, feeling my back hurt as I smacked into it. He then moved in closely, his face only an inch or two away from mine, as he inspected my eyes. "Oh. . . so that's why." He then whispered, his lips curling into a sickening smirk, probably noticing my dilated pupils. "Still popping pills I see."

I then spat in his face, trying to pull my wrist out of his tight grip. "Let go of me!" I demanded. But he didn't. Instead he wiped the spit off his cheek with his shirt and then slapped me across the face.

"Dude, you are begging for another broken nose!" I then heard Vic call out as he came closer, a fiery rage burning in his eyes as he marched up to us. Matty choked up and let go of my wrist, stepping back immediately.

I flexed my jaw and rubbed my cheek, still feeling the burn of the impact. But without a word or anything else, Matty then pretty much ran off.

"Are you okay?" Vic then asked as he turned towards me.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Compared to my father, he hits like a girl." I stated with a slight chuckle.

Vic also laughed for a moment, but his smile then soon faded. "We need to talk." He said with a serious tone, his face going stern. "You're destroying yourself, Kell. It needs to stop."

I sighed and leaned back against the van. "You know that I've been trying. . ." I muttered, feeling utterly defeated. "It's not easy." And at that moment, even through my high, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Vic kept his distance. "I know that it isn't." He growled between gritted teeth. "But damnit Kell, there will be a day that someone will legitimately want to be with you; someone decent, loving and honest. Do you really want to hurt him by destroying yourself like this?"

I blinked a few times, confused at Vic's sudden outburst. "N-no." Was all I uttered out, not knowing what else to say. I hated to disappoint my best friend, even after all this time.

"Then please do something about it, before it's too late." He practically begged. I nodded slowly, wanting to promise him that I would, but knowing I couldn't keep that promise anyway, so I didn't. . . I just stayed quiet. "I'm not mad, I'm just worried, you know?" Vic then added, throwing me a concerned, small smile.

I really did understand and appreciate Vic's concern, but that wasn't just going to fix everything. And some 'decent, loving and honest guy' wouldn't just fix everything either. Only I could fix myself, but I didn't even know how. And at this time, I didn't really have the motivation to do it either. 

After our talk, Vic gave me a quick hug, and I went back to the tour bus. No one was around, so I just had some dinner on my own and took a long shower.

I repeated Vic's words in my head, not really knowing what to do with them. But it had surely killed my buzz. I sighed and poured myself a shot of vodka, downing it without any further thought.

"May I join the party?" Someone then asked. I looked up to find Oli walking into the bus with a gentle smile on his face.

I then grabbed another shot glass from behind me and filled both glasses to the hilt with vodka. "There you go." I told him as I put the bottle back down on the table.

Oli made his small glass cling against mine and then downed it at the exact same time as I did. He groaned enjoyably and plumped himself down on the spot beside me. "So, what's the occasion?" He then asked.

I chuckled and poured us both another one. "Does vodka really need an occasion?" I simply retorted.

"Good point." Oli chuckled as he sat back. From the corner of my eye, I watched him as he scrolled through his phone and started talking about how the band's last performance went. It was nice seeing him all excited about the music and the fans.

I sat back and listened closely, so every now and then pouring us both more shots. Every time he looked up at me and smiled, I couldn't help but to smile back. He talked and talked as I listened... but with time, I kinda zoned out a bit.

Someone decent, loving and honest. . .

Vic's words echoed in my mind as I stared at Oli. I bit my lip subconsciously when I realized what I was thinking; Oli was decent. . . and loving. . . and honest. And pretty damn attractive too.

Oh my god, was I attracted to Oli?

"Hey, are you okay? Your face looks a little flushed." He then pointed out, sounding pretty amused by it.

I snapped out of my thoughts and brought my hands to my cheeks, feeling how hot they were and how much hotter they were getting when I realized that I was blushing. "Alcohol." I quickly excused myself.

Oli just laughed. "You're cute."

I scratched the back of my neck nervously and poured myself another shot. Oh my god. What was happening to me?

For a while, it got silent. It was the awkward kind. Until after a few minutes, Oli finally cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "It's getting pretty late. I think I'm gonna hit the sack." He then announced with a smile.

I just nodded as I watched him get up and walk off to the back of the bus. He took off his shoes, socks, and slid out of his pants before he climbed into his bunk with ease.

For a moment, he stuck his head out again and threw me a goofy smile. "Good night." He said.

I giggled softly. "Good night."