The Original High (Koli) ✔️

17: Shut Up And Kiss Me

Some time later Oliver had left for a while to do. . . well, whatever it was that he was doing. Contacting his band mates for a new tour or something like that. He seemed to be his happy self, but I just couldn't help but to feel guilty.

And it wasn't just the nights that I had denied him sex. Every single time he would tell me that he loved me; I somehow managed to avoid having to say it back. And that was eating at me daily. I couldn't bring myself to say it to him. I liked him, a lot. . . but I didn't know if I really, actually loved him. I simply wasn't sure what it felt like to love someone.

The confusion added to my usual anxiety and depression, and it didn't make it much easier, to be honest. I desperately craved for a release from it. Lucky me, being as this was Los Angeles, dealers weren't hard to find.

"So, what is actually in these orange little bastards?" I asked the guy. He didn't really look like your typical dealer. He actually looked pretty decent and healthy. Not so much creepy and rocking a 'gangster' look as I expected. Plus, it was broad daylight.

He smirked to himself as he counted the money he had asked for. "Well, it's mostly MDMA. . ." He began. "But there's also PCP in it. . . I think some LSD too and some traces of meth." He then added casually, throwing me a smile as he put the money into his coat's pocket.

"Shit." I muttered below my breath, realizing what crap I had actually been feeding myself all this time. "Well it sure does the trick."

"Sure does." He then handed me a small bag and said his goodbyes.

I sighed as I walked home, knowing what I was about to do was weak, but I just couldn't help it. I didn't know what the heck I was going to do about Oli. . . and being in the depressed state that I was in, I couldn't really make any rational or logical decisions. I just wanted to stop feeling so much at once for a little while.

Every fiber of my being was telling me to leave Oli, for his own good. But I wanted him around. I wanted to be with him. That much I did know.

I had started my afternoon with a few more anti-depressants and anxiety pills than I should have, but I wasn't going to let it stop me now. I sat in the living room and popped one of my little orange pills of happiness and waited for it to kick in.

After a while I noticed that somehow it wasn't working out so well in combination with my usual medication, and I was starting to feel a little uneasy. The second hour into it and I still didn't feel much better. In fact, I felt sicker. I tried to breathe, feeling myself getting a little woozy as I got up from the couch.

The room was spinning.

Perhaps a little fresh air would help, I told myself.

I then walked out of the apartment; meeting the chilly evening air and feeling it wash over me like a soft blanket. I sighed, satisfied; it was just what I needed. I walked onto the playground across the street and decided to lie down on the grass.

Finally, the high started to feel good.

I trembled in delight as the air moved the strands of grass, making them brush my skin ever so lightly. The stars above my head moved slowly and shined so bright as I gazed up to them. Only a few clouds roamed through the skies and I giggled to myself as I tried to make out shapes even though there really weren't any.

I closed my eyes for a second and inhaled deeply, taking in all of my surrounding smells. It was then that I smelled something familiar. And before I knew it, I felt little drops on my face, my arms and just everywhere else. I lay still as it started to rain, feeling a little cold, but enjoying it more than ever.

"Jesus Christ, Kell. What the heck are you doing?" I heard a familiar voice ask, clear amusement and wonder in their voice.

I opened my eyes again to see Oli standing over me with a confused look on his face. "Well hi there." I simply said as I grinned up at him.

"You're enjoying yourself down there, aren't you?" He asked, chuckling softly.

"Indeed I am. Join me." I said as I patted the now wet patch of grass beside me.

Reluctantly, Oli then sat down with a soft sigh. After a moment of silence, he looked over at me and arched an eyebrow. "You do realize that you're completely soaked, right?" He asked mockingly.

Well duh, I was lying in the rain, captain obvious.

"Yep, don't care." I told him, completely satisfied being exactly where I was. How often did we really get rain down here anyway? Might as well enjoy it while it lasts. "You are going to be too in a minute." I then added, stating the obvious as well.

Playfully I then pulled a handful of grass out of the ground and threw it at him. "Hey!" He exclaimed, slightly insulted. "Out of all the days that I wear a white goddamn shirt, you decide to become a child?"

I started giggling uncontrollably for a moment; amused by his insulted reaction, but stopped once I noticed how he just kept staring at me with that signature stupid sweet smile on his face. "I like seeing you laugh." He then whispered. 

I smiled back and bit my lip as I looked at him, suddenly feeling some sort of desire build up in my stomach. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Oli grinned and gave in all too willingly, bending down and kissing me deeply as I wrapped my arms around his neck. After a few good minutes of making out in the pouring rain, I suddenly heard a loud thunderclap, making me jolt underneath Oli's grasp.

He chuckled softly as he pulled away from the kiss. We were both completely soaked by now. "We should probably go inside before—" His voice was then muffled by another loud rippling clap.

"Good idea." I agreed, slightly worried at just how loud the bang was. It sounded like it was really close.

Oli then helped me up and we quickly ran back inside in a fit of laughter. I honestly hadn't felt that good in a while.