What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

House Of Memories

(a/n: i'm actually going to put a trigger warning on this chapter, just precautionary because I triggered myself writing this, just anxiety attacks)

*Dallon POV*

I bolted straight upright as the terrible memories came flooding back. I had fought them off for so long, they must've been just dying to show themselves. Tears began to stream down my face as I remembered everything, the way the bullet looked when it was hurtling towards Brendon. There was no stopping the 'what if's  and the imagination fueled alternate realities of what would've happened if I hadn't reacted.

"Dally?" Brendon whispered as he was awoken by my sniffles.

"I-I'm s-sorry" I stuttered, trying to repress my sobs.

"Baby come here." He opened up his arms and I collapsed into them.

"I still remember everything. I remember the sound of the gun, and the taste of blood in my mouth, and-and..." I couldn't finish because violent sobs began to tear through me as demons in my mind forced me to recall things I had worked so hard to shove away.

"Dal I know, trust me I know, but it's okay. Look at us, we are here, we are alive, and we're together." He locked our left hands together and admired the rings.

I didn't answer, I was too afraid that sobs would shake me again. Pressing my head against Brendon's bare chest, I listened to his heartbeat and traced the large scars that ran across his stomach. No matter how steady Brendon's heart or breathing was, I still couldn't sleep in fear of reliving the horrendous night.

Stepping out into the lounge, I bundled up on the couch and turned on the tv. There was no Doctor Who on, so I settled on a show called Supernatural. There was so many thoughts running through my mind I couldn't really focus on anything else. 

I had to keep reminding myself of everything and how Brendon and I had made it out alive. We were okay, we were still alive, and we were together. That's all that mattered. As long as I kept telling myself that nothing else mattered, we were okay.

I fell into daydreams about all that me and Brendon could be and what we could do with all the money we were going to make and how we were going to be so famous they would plaster our face on every billboard. There was so much for us to do and be, there was nothing that could stop us. Everyone will look at us and say 'I want to be them'.

There were so many good thoughts shoving the bad ones out and I was beginning to feel okay. But it was all ruined when a gun fire sounded from the tv. Letting out a yelp, I scrambled for the remote as more shots were fired. My vision was growing blurry with panic as I turned the tv off. It felt as if there was blood in my mouth, but when I went to wipe it away there was nothing there.

I let out small whimpers, trying not to cry too loudly so I wouldn't wake Brendon up again, he needed sleep. There was something on his plate as the frontman of the band and he could get stressed easily, and he would probably be annoyed if I woke him again. But as the gunshot kept replaying in my head I found myself back in bed, pulling Brendon into my side like a child would a teddy bear.

As a child kids are given toys and blankets as comfort items, and parents almost always have a backup or a replacement in case something were to ever happen to their comfort item. Kids don't learn things when you keep replacing broken toys. They will never learn that you can't just keep using people and expect to replace them when they rip. I don't know what I would do if I ripped Brendon.

I hadn't realized I was still crying until Brendon turned around and hugged me back. He rubbed comforting circles into my back and hummed the tune of a song he had been working on recently.

"Dallon smiles like Dallon doesn't care,

He lives in his world so unaware,

Does he know that my destiny lies with him?"

That was the only part of the song I heard before I drifted off to sleep.

*************************

I awoke several hours later, eyes still dry from all the crying several hours earlier. There was a scent of eggs and bacon drifting from what we called a kitchen. Our "kitchen" was just a refrigerator, a microwave, a stove and oven, and a countertop. All of which was crammed into a space barely big enough for two people to stand.

"Mornin'" Brendon called, as I walked out of the bedroom.

I grunted in response. I was still so warn out from crying and I was most likely dehydrated, I haven't had an anxiety attack that bad in months. Most were just little ones that I could brush off or calm down by holding Brendon's hand. The one last shook me to the core, there go all my plans for today. Maybe Brendon would go do some sappy romantic thing they do in the movies with me.

"So, are we gonna talk about last night?" Brendon asked, setting a plate with eggs and bacon and a glass of water on the counter in front of me.

Shrugging, I took a sip of water and left my food alone. Despite the aroma I couldn't eat in fear of it coming back up.

"Dal, we need to fix this, whatever this is I don't like what it does to you." He looked at my untouched plate, concerned as I finished the water.

"What are you suggesting I do Bren, willing it away obviously doesn't work." I spoke in a surprisingly calm manner.

"I know I just feel like I'm doing a bad job." He filled my glass again for me.

"At what?" I thanked him with a nod of my head.

"At being your husband. I'm supposed to be there for you and help you and I was so fucking useless last night. I heard the gunshot on the tv and you crying, but I didn't help you because I didn't know how. I suck at this." He stared down at his feet.

"Baby it wasn't your fault, we both know it just happens, and the tv was my fault and I shouldn't have turned it on. You're the one thing that keeps me sane and alive, we both know that if it weren't for you I would've died on the bathroom floor a long time ago. Like you said last night, we're alive and together."

I lifted his chin so I could see is big puppy dog eyes. Bringing our lips together, I closed the gap between us and kissed him softly. This was all I needed in life.