What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

Mad Hatter

(a/n: i just realized I totally fucked up Holding On to You so um I rewrote if you want to go back and read how that chapter was supposed to end)

*Brendon POV*

Dallon had been moping around ever since his panic attack. It had been three days. Every time I came home from writing session with Ryan he was always staring blankly at the wall. I know I shouldn't have been upset about it but he wouldn't even talk to me about it and that's what bothered me.

He was also pretending to be okay when we were in the studio recording for the new album. He was all smiley and he would laugh, but I knew there was something off about him. As soon as we were out of sight of real people he was back to moping around and refusing to turn in the tv in fear of there being anything triggering on. I understand totally, but I was just annoyed when he wouldn't tell me anything.

Not only was he not telling me what was happening but he barely talked to me at all. He would just communicate with sighs and head nods. I knew he wasn't okay and he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, does he just not trust his own husband?

Right now, we're sitting on the couch listening to twenty one pilots album Regional At Best. Dallon loved listening to his friends music, but he wasn't singing along to Forest like he always did. He was just sitting there, zoned out and staring at the blank walls.

I was starting to get upset, but I knew Dallon didn't like yelling so I just moved closer into his side and pulled a blanket up around us. No reaction. He didn't even lean into me a little like he does when I usually do this. Desperate to spark a reaction out of him, I nuzzled my head into his neck and then twisted to kiss his jaw. Nothing.

"Dallon? What's wrong?" I asked in my sweetest voice, trying to bottle my frustration.

He didn't move or do anything, just continued to stare at my unpainted white wall.

"Dallon I know you're not okay, can you please just tell me what's going on so I can help you?" I was starting to get frustrated. We're married, aren't we supposed to tell each other everything?

Standing up, I stepped so I was directly in his line of sight. His jaw was clamped shut and his eyes were a dull grey color. This wasn't my Dallon, the sharks were back and I could tell, but he wouldn't say it and he wouldn't let me help him.

"Dallon tell me what the hell is wrong!" I said a bit louder and more stern than I had meant to.

His eyes flicked up and met mine, but his mouth didn't open. The fact that he reacted now only made me angrier, I had tried to do this the nice way, but apparently the only way to get a reaction was to be mean.

"Dallon I know you aren't okay and that you are upset, but if you need help you need to tell me!" I was on the brink of yelling now, I wasn't meaning to but I was.

All the calm I had worked to keep was slowly slipping through my fingers like grains of sand. For some reason I didn't care that I wasn't calm, I found my mind justifying my yelling.

"DON'T JUST SIT THERE SAY SOMETHING!" Oh god why did I yell. I watched as his eyes began to become glazed with tears.

"JUST TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!" I practically screamed. I couldn't stop myself, all the frustration and anger that had been building up inside of me was just spilling out of me like a broken dam. What was I doing?

"I don't fucking know Brendon. My brain is fucked up like it's always been. I'm psycho, I'm gone. You should've just let me die on the bathroom floor and then we could've stopped all of this madness." Dallon spoke quietly.

With that he walked across the room, grabbed his keys off the counter and slammed the door behind him. For some reason I felt triumphant, like there was victory to have been one in that fight. But after a few seconds, everything that had just happened kicked in and I fell to the floor in tears.

I was stupid, I was a fucking idiot and I was he one at fault . Dallon just didn't know how to tell me what's going on because he didn't know himself. What was wrong with me? I knew he hated fighting and yelling, but yet I still did it.

I couldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. Should I go after him? Or should I wait for him to come home? Dallon likes to be alone, so maybe I should just leave him alone and let him think. Then everything Dallon had really said sunk in. He called himself crazy and then said that I should've let him die.

Fuck, no, he couldn't be doing this after all this time. He's been clean for a year and now it was my fault. What was I thinking? His worst nightmare was that I would stop caring, and I've made him think that when I yelled at him. I only yelled because I cared about his health, but look at the mess I've made.

I tried calling the only person I knew would really care about this and that wouldn't call me a complete idiot.

"Brendon, what can I do for you hun?" Her voice said on the other line.

"Hannah no time to explain, but Dallon's gone and I need your help." I hung up, grabbed my jacket and keys and ran out the door. I hope he's okay.