What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

Crazy=Genius

(a/n: I realized that you guys don't know what I look like, btw trigger warning for self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, etc.)

*Dallon POV*

I slammed the car door shut and dug the key into the ignition. I didn't know where I was going to go, there was no where left in town that didn't remind me of the incident that was causing all this anxiety. The only place I knew was somewhere nowhere would ever find me, a place that was only mine, that I would never have to share with anyone.

Before Brendon could chase after me I floored it out of the parking garage and sped off in the general direction of the park I would hide in when I was in middle school and where I spent most of my summers. It was the park I taught myself to play bass in and the where I would go when my world turned into hell and I couldn't stand it.

I wasn't mad at Brendon, I just didn't know why I was freaking out and it's hard to explain when even you don't know. I just couldn't believe he yelled at me, he knows that's the one thing I couldn't stand. Why couldn't he just give me a few more days to get my shit together instead of forcing me to face who messed up I am?

Because you're so fucked up.

I know.

He can't stand you he probably regrets marrying someone who is practically an arsonist.

Most likely.

Why don't you just get it over with and kill yourself?

Maybe someone still cares.

They don't.

I know.

Why would you even think that someone could care about you? Everyone hates you. They would rather Ryan and Brendon be together than you and Brendon. Have you heard of Ryden? It's a lot more popular than Brallon. It's because everyone hates you. You are mediocre at best, and that's just being generous. You're a terrible song writer, no one relates cause you are so fucking messed up. Kill yourself.

I turned the radio up louder in hopes to drown out the voices in my head. No matter how loud you blast your favorite songs it doesn't always work. Trying to focus on the road and not on the terrible urge to jerk the steering wheel into a tree and just end it all. The voice wouldn't leave me alone though, they kept breathing down my neck and whispering in my ear. I lost track of time and miles, it was all just a endless road and a blur of green all around me.

Just do it.

"I don't want to" I said out loud

It's not hard, just one swift movement and it's all over.

"No!" I yelled.

Come on Dalpal, no one likes you anyway.

Wait, the only person who calls me that is Brendon.

Yea, Dally, think about what the darkness will feel like.

That was Hannah's voice.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed.

What we say is true Dalpal, and you know it.

"NO!" I screamed again.

Dally, think about it, the moment is right.

"NO!" I cried out again.

Dalpal, come on, you're supposed to be dead and you know it.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" My cries were violent, I wouldn't be surprised if people in passing cars could hear them. They probably thought I was crazy too.

I am crazy. I'm a psychopath. I should've died on the bathroom floor a year ago. Or in that hospital bed. Brendon probably only married me because he felt he had to since I jumped in front of a bullet for him. He probably didn't even love me. Hannah only looked out for me because she pitied her messed up brother. My parents didn't even know who I was, and if that doesn't say something then I don't know what does.

Just do it.

There are other cars I don't want to hurt anyone.

If there are other cars it will look like an accident, not like you are crazy.

That's true.

You could die in a tragic accident, and maybe then you won't die a complete psychopath.

Even the voices in my head were starting to pity me, I would always be a psychopath. Dying in a tragic accident won't change my brain.

Do it now.

Hold on.

What are you waiting for? Now's your chance!

I don't know, but not yet.

Come on, you don't want to miss the traffic.

Hold on.

Come on, it's now or never.

What if I choose never.

I won't let that happen. I won't leave you alone. I will always be here in the back of your head, whispering in your ear. Here's your chance out, make peace with that God everyone seems so obsessed with and get on with it!

But what if he does love me?

You're asking me that right now?

There has to be a slim chance. After all this time I have to have grown on him a little.

There's no chance, the world will benefit from your death.

Okay, you're right. Here goes nothing.

I jerked the wheel hard to the left. The tires screeched and everything seemed to slow down as I felt my small car tip and roll. I heard the brakes of other cars, but they didn't seem relevant to my situation as the car continued to roll. It was kinda like a roller coaster with all the flips and barrel rolls. Laughter escaped my lips as I realized that this was definitely going to be the end.

There was a sound of brakes and then shattering glass before the darkness welcomed me into a warm embrace. This was okay.