What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

Missing You

(a/n: so...um... we're watching the blair witch, pray for me)

*Brendon POV* (yay)

When I woke up Ryan's arm was around my waist, it took me a moment to register the events of the night before. I knew it was wrong, I didn't like Ryan so there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, but I had to feel it. Nothing had completely registered yet, I knew he was dead, but I didn't want to accept him.

Carefully, I wiggled out of Ryan's grasp, making sure not to wake the peacefully sleeping boy. I felt the need to explore the apartment I would be living in for the next, well a little while. The apartment was nice and small, it fit the older's quiet, perfectionist personality.

Suddenly, as if by a spell, I collapsed to the floor in a pile tears. This was the dream Dallon and I had always talked about, we wanted a cute tidy apartment like this one. Hell, it had only been a day and I missed him so much. What I wouldn't give just to feel  his arms around me one last time. What I wouldn't give to just have him do the cute thing he used to do when he stuck his pic to his forehead during guitar switches. I longed for the way his blue eyes stared down at me and the way his smile lit up any room he walked into.

"Bren?" A groggy Ryan emerged from the spare bedroom.

I looked up at him through misty eyes  and shook my head.

"Brendon you need to go back to sleep." Ryan bent down to my level and stroked my disheveled hair.

I shook my head, there was an inherent fear in my mind that if I went to sleep I would only dream of him.

"Bren, I know it hurts, but you have to try to sleep there is a lot you have to do soon." Ryan settled down onto the floor beside me.

"I miss him so much already Ry, it's so hard to hang on. Last night I almost stabbed that shard straight through my throat, I was so close. There wasn't much to stop me, even if there is no afterlife at least I wouldn't have to keep living without him." I stared down at the bandages that hid the reminence of last night.

"Believe me Bren I get it, my dad passed when I was 15, I get it Brendon. Is there anything in the world I can do to make you happy right now?" Ryan held my wrist, my gaze didn't break from the gauze.

"I- I wanna d-do something with o-our rings." I stuttered out, pulling the rings out of the baggy pants Ryan grabbed out for me.

"Ok, why don't you think of something or find some cute idea and we'll get someone to do it." Ryan commented. "Anything else you need?" 

"My husband back." I fell onto Ryan's chest and sobbed violently into Ryan's shirt.

"Shh shh shh I know Brenny, I know it's hard. But somehow we find the strength and we get over it and live for them. We keep living on for them, our strength comes from the the memories of them. But we must be careful not be nostalgic and we need to keep looking forward cause as soon as we look back it's all down hill." Ryan rolled onto his back and softly cooed, trying to calm me violent shaking .

Eventually I calmed down and Ryan carried me back to the spare bedroom, where he tucked me in and turned on some soft music for me to drift into a nice sleep. 

"I've gotta get some work down, I'll check on you in a couple hours." He brushed my sloppy hair out of my face.

I just nodded and turned on my side, wrapping the blankets around me like a cocoon of warmth. Dallon used to be what kept me warm, but now I must rely on fabric.

~~~~DREAM TIME~~~~ (Chloe told me to say I love you Chloe right here)

I found myself in a field of gold, just as the sun was setting . The day was meeting the night, my favorite time. 

"Well, are you going to sit down?" a familiar voice said from below me.

"Dallon?" A pair of blue eyes stared up at me from a blanket in the golden field.

"What's wrong Breadbin? Don't recognize your own husband?" he laughed gently, patting the ground next to him.

"No, you're dead." I snarled, not wanting to give in to what I knew was just a dream.

"I suppose I am." He retorted in a smart-alec voice.

Closing my eyes, I willed away the memory of his beautiful face.  When I reopened them the field was on fire and the golden stalks of grass were burnt to a charred black. There was screaming and blood, I could feel my breathing quickening.

"This is you fault, you killed me Brendon, Why did you kill me Brendon?" Dallon had returned, but now his voice was raspy and his face was mangled and bloody. This wasn't my Dallon.

"I'm sorry." 

"Sorry won't cut it anymore Urie, get over yourself and join me. IN HELL."