What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

(Coffee's for Closers)

(a/n:I wanna write something other than fanfiction but no one will read it)

Lucienda stood at the front of the room, in front of the dark wood coffin with pastel blue lining. She was explaining how the we would go in procession to the burial site that was 15 minutes from the funeral home. 8 people were to be the pallbearers. Hannah, Spencer, Ryan, Pete, Patrick, Josh, Tyler, and I were going to carry the casket out to the hearse. Jack and Alex had assured Hannah and I that if we weren't up to it that they would gladly step in with no hesitation. 

I lined up with my closest friends on either side of the now closed coffin. I felt Ryan pat my shoulder and we pulled the bars out and Hannah counted down the lift onto our shoulders. A single tear ran down my face as I realized that this was the end. Funerals were to provide closure to loved ones and celebrate one's life, I didn't want it to be over yet. There was no way that after today it would be finished, it couldn't be. After today my friends would start telling me to move on and get over it. I could never get over Dallon James Weekes.

The pallbearers moved in perfect unison as we carried the coffin down the hallway and out to the curb where the hearse was waiting. A single tear ran down my face, I couldn't cry, not here, not now. I wanted to show everyone that I was strong and independent, that my life hadn't depended on the tall ocean eyed boy. But he had been my life, he had been my reason to get up in the morning, the reason I smiled, and the reason I sang. 

All I needed to do right now was put one foot in front of the other until I reached the oddly shaped black vehicle that would carry my only love to his resting place. When we reached the curb, we slid the coffin into the back of the hearse and waited as the driver shut the door. Then we all headed to our cars, Hannah offered to drive me, but I declined. Her car is still the same that used to take me to see Dallon in the hospital after he had been shot. Getting back in the care would give me false hope that I didn't need. Ryan's truck was easier to sit in, even though it brought memories of the day I lost the last sliver of hope.

Now sitting in the passenger's seat of Ryan's truck, I fiddled with the rings that I carried pretty much everywhere now. They were the last pieces I had of our union. I guess he wasn't really my husband anymore, 'until death do us part', but it seemed wrong to call him anything else. I missed him and it hurt, hurt more than anything else in the world. Sometimes it felt like there was a knife inside my back and a rope around my neck, and there was always a voice telling me I murdered Dallon and I should kill myself because if he can't live than neither can I.

"Brendon, you know I'm here for you, right? No matter what I will always be here when you need someone." Ryan pulled out a tissue and handed it to me.

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me since he was focused on following Hannah, who followed the hearse towards Willow Crest Cemetery. It was the most out of the city place Hannah could find, there was no traffic to be noisy, or kids to smoke weed. Dallon had always hated weed, especially when Pete and I would go smoke after concerts, he was always there to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

The ride stayed silent the entire drive, no music pumped through the speakers, no car horns told us to move faster, no sirens responding to an emergency. Just how my love would've had wanted to rest. He could never write when it was noisy, when he wrote stories he liked soft music playing, but when he wrote songs everything had to be completely quiet, one sound ruined it all. 

A few more minutes of driving and we arrived in the quiet grassy cemetery, following the hearse through the winding roads back to where a nice rectangular grave had been dug. There was an willow tree that shaded the hole, Dallon would like that willow tree with its branches shading the area all day. 

I allowed Jack to step in for me as pallbearer as the group lined up again to carry the casket to the pulleys that would lower him into the dirt after the speeches were said. Instead I stood to the side as they walked in unison, scanning over the crumpled, tear stained piece of notebook paper that was tucked away in my pocket. The eulogy had taken me forever to write because I couldn't stop crying as I remembered all the good times he and I had together. Our first coffee date, the date when the day met the night, the night I showed up at his door, bloody and wet. 

*_*Flashback showing the night in Beebo's POV*_*

I woke up covered in my own blood, my guitar smashed to pieces around me, it's neck frayed and the strings snapped. My miscreant father was passed out on the couch with an empty beer bottle dangling from his fingertips, my mother was who knows where. I had to get out of there as fast as I could. 

Not caring if I woke the sleeping man, I darted up to my room, threw some random stuff in a bag , and darted out the door. There was no way I could stay in that house any longer, I had to get to a safe place. I began walking as fast as I could through the whirlwind, it seemed the eye of the storm stayed over me because I didn't feel as if it were as bad right above me. I was so determined to get to the shelter where I would be offered refuge.

Lightning cracked over my head and thunder rolled barely even seconds after the cracking sound. I got scared and began running, ignoring the pain in my head and my entire body. His house was insight, if I could just keep running a bit longer, I just needed to make it a few more steps. 

I struggled to get to his front door and weakly knock. When he opened the door he was smiling, but then he saw the blood, tears and rain that streamed down my face.

"C-can I um stay a night... or two?" I choked out between sobs.

"Of course baby boy." He pulled me into a tight hug, I never wanted him to let me go.

*_* *spongebob narrator voice* end of flashback*_*

There was a podium set up next to the coffin that was now placed over the grave. Hannah was giving her eulogy first, she told short stories about Dallon's childhood and how quirky he was. I loved stories about he cute he was, but now they just reminded me of his giggle and the blush that would creep over his cheeks when Hannah told the stories in front of him.

"You don't have to say anything, no one will blame you if you don't." Ryan whispered quietly.

"I do, it's like saying goodbye. I wanna do it right." I muttered back to him, staring at the smudged writing.

People clapped as Hannah stepped away from the podium, took a flower from the vase and placed it on the coffin. It was a white tulip, contrasting the dark wood. Beautifully depressing. Ryan gave me a small nudge that snapped me from the daze as I stepped up to give my speech. Suddenly their gazes burned into me, it made me want to run and hide behind Hannah like a scared child. I had never spoken in front of an audience without Dallon standing there encouraging me.

I cleared my throat, it's now or never. I had to say goodbye.

"There so much to say about Dallon and so many different ways to say it. He saved my life, literally and physically. A year and a half ago, when we had just started dating, I ran away from home and Dallon allowed me to take refuge from an abusive father. Sometime later my mother attempted to kill me and this tall ocean eyed boy in a royal blue suit jumped in front of a bullet to save my life." I was no longer reading from the crumple paper, "I could write so many songs about this boy and I have, but none of them could ever capture what he meant to me. I loved him more than anything in the world and not a day goes by that I wish he was still here. The night he asked me to prom, my father attempted to attack me. He led him away into the woods, where he could've died. He led a man away from me and risked his life to save mine. I watched anxiety grow and shrink within him, the sharks that haunted the ocean in his eyes went away and came back. Not a day goes bye that I am not reminded of his smile and his sharks. I will always love him. Forever and always." I picked up the tulip from the vase and placed it on the wooden box that held my love. "I'm sorry." I whispered quietly before running away to wait in the car. I couldn't watch him be lowered, it would kill me inside.

A little while later, Ryan joined me in the truck. He didn't say anything, just drove me home. What do you say to a grieving widower anyway. When we got home I just went back to my room and opened to flood gates in my eyes. He was gone, it was official that he would never come back now.