The Affectionate Player - Part2

Chapter 9

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, when the truth became so blatantly obvious to me that I could no longer ignore it. I'm simply incapable of hating Max Jacob. There, I've said it.

Even when I think of the torture each day spent with him since being released has brought, whether it be the horrible memory of the arrest or just the absolute agony of not holding him. I have missed him, regardless.

But my confusion is no more thanks to his honesty and patience, the anger of the whole sorry mess buried deep within. How could I possibly have hated Max when the only people at fault in this wretched situation are Jonny King and Geri bloody Devlin? Guilt invades me yet again, because 34 hours of what felt like hell on earth to me compared with the loss of our beautiful Monty, was a walk in the park. Why was I so blind to this, thinking only of my own heartache and loss of professional credibility? Max must have been devastated and I offered him no compassion. And yet, not once has he mentioned it.

Casting aside Jonny's revolting image, I roll unto my back bringing me closer to Max. Last night had been a whirlwind of emotion, a myriad of desires let loose and on reflection, maybe I should have let him take me to bed to make sweet, soft love to me. But as I recall the passion we shared, I have no complaints. He was exceptional. No, we were exceptional together.

Wriggling beside my body, the warmth of him stirs me and I turn my head to steal a glimpse. God, he's staggeringly handsome, even the sight of him in his tuxedo last night had left me nowhere to hide. Maybe that had been the moment when my heart acknowledged that he owned me, body and soul; the moment I truly saw him for what he is - a devoted father, a loving son, a caring friend, and the love of my life.

He has been all of those things to me; devoted, loving, caring, my protector – at least until Jonny snatched our babies, and while I'd thought his feelings and love for me had gone as a result of this, they hadn't. Much to the contrary, in fact. He had simply shielded them behind his coat of armour, protecting us. Protecting me.

And in the midst of all his efforts to bring me back to him, he never gave up on me. Not once. Small tears escape my eyes, losing themselves in my hair. I need to embrace this truth and never let it go.

I know I have my problems to solve especially with my parents and of course, with Geri Devlin, but I have the strength of Max Jacob supporting me, the man who tore our world apart in a heartfelt bid to save our son but who refused to give up on our family. There's not a malicious bone in his body where we are concerned; I adore him and can't help myself. In my heart I feel like I have loved him forever, longer if it's possible. Perhaps I loved him in another life, and maybe he loved me.

***************

I wake again, this time to soft kisses along my jawline. My heart races with pleasure and the familiar feelings I know so well return. He's here with me. My Hollywood.

"What are you dreaming about, beautiful? I hope it's me, considering the noises you've been making." I feel his smile against my cheek and naturally, I respond. Turning into his face we nose kiss, and a small groan escapes him.

"Have I mentioned before how much I enjoyed last night?" he grins, placing tender kisses on the corners of my mouth.

"Only about twenty times," I jest, causing his expression to flip from playful to feigned outrage.

"Are you mocking me, lady?"

"Who, me?" I play along, much to his delight.

"Yes, you! Do you think I don't know how much you missed me?"

"You're very bold this morning, Hollywood," I goad. "Maybe, I was just turned on and needed a good seeing to."

"I'll say," he laughs, oceans burning beneath the t-shirt I'm wearing.