The Affectionate Player - Part2

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Little Monty had been elated to see his Nana, running straight into her arms and squealing with excitement much to Holly's distress. She had wakened only moments before and was clearly not prepared for his outburst. Maria had gripped him tightly and the pools of tears in her eyes had given Max all the reassurance he'd needed to know that he'd made the right decision.

They'd clearly missed each other and following some gentle persuasion and a cuddle from Holly, Maria had stayed a couple of hours taking lunch and building Lego boats with her grandson. Soon after 1 o'clock, she kissed him goodbye promising she'd see him very soon, with Max's permission. He'd nodded his approval without hesitation.

Since her departure Max has been deep in thought having learned the extent of his wife's depression and drug abuse. The truth laid so plainly before him has hit him hard. Still, while the shock of it had thrown him he'd put on a brave face the second his sister and our babies pulled into the driveway. To anyone else he'd have appeared composed but not to me.

His reticent manner on the drive here has confirmed my fears. This man, compared with the carefree lover in our bed this morning is in turmoil, and deep down I know that Maria's revelation has shaken Max to the core. You see, I know him. I've spent the last year learning how to recognise when he's hiding pain, which leaves me in no doubt that he'll be questioning whether if he'd behaved differently, would his wife and baby boy have lived.

Thinking back over the last ten years, I recall Melody's career and how she'd hit the big time; how at seventeen she'd already earned a Brit Award and two top ten hits. She'd not only been successful but beautiful too, so how the hell had she managed to get herself into drugs and all the crap that comes along with the scene? Max couldn't have been a part of it - at least I can't remember reading articles about him falling out of clubs or punching photographers in the face.

Thankfully what I had read was positive and learned purely through my interest in his career. He'd met Melody when she was in her mid-twenties and having enjoyed a whirlwind romance they soon discovered her pregnancy marrying within months.

And while he's never really spoken in much detail of their time together, I can tell that he loved her even though it would appear now that he didn't really know her at all. Melody King - pop princess of the 'noughties' - drug addict? Who'd have thought? Certainly not me.

I wish for Monty's sake it wasn't true, I mutter while watching him draw but it must be if her mother knew and no amount of wishing it weren't will make it disappear.

As I sit here with my babies in the stuffy reception area of one of Mayfair's renowned law practices, I play over the morning's events in my head not quite believing all that has come to light. Leaning forward, I softly stroke Monty's wayward curls as he continues his colouring. And as I do, I thank the high heavens that he'd not been affected by his mother's addiction – well not by the drugs, but perhaps her irresponsibility.

This is what must be playing heavily on Max's mind. The thought that if he'd paid more attention and not worked away from home, their lives could have been different. Monty may not have lost his mother and brother, and he may not have lost his wife and son. Tears threaten and I swallow hard to clear my throat of its swelling. If circumstances had been different, we would not be sitting here waiting for Max to finish with Curtis and I most definitely would not be cradling our beautiful baby girl. Holly wriggles and winces in my arms becoming unsettled but I welcome the distraction from where my thoughts are leading.

Her restlessness these last few days is beginning to concern me. At first I'd thought it was because she'd spent two nights without me and my milk but having introduced her to formula, miraculously she seems to have adapted with little distress. And having fed, changed and winded her, I can't quite put my finger on what's causing her uneasiness.