Mirrors | Malum

18

Michael

I couldn't sleep or eat after Calum said that to me. It was the harshest he had ever been, by which I felt quite uncomfortable and down because I thought he'd always be this incredibly shy boy who would never purposely try to hurt anybody but I was wrong. I was beyond wrong, because I was left to lay there in my bed and reflect off of the decisions I made, which clearly weren't the best and could have been better but I assumed that trying to get him enrolled would be my winning ticket to his heart.

I've tried thinking of ways to fix things but between us, because we had moved past the step of being as close as Strangers, and I want to be able to tell people that "I've got this friend" but if he won't take the label into consideration, then I'll never be able to claim him as anything in my life and that strains my heart.

"I'm sorry for thinking about leaving you, if that's why you're not speaking to me," Luke said with a sigh following after, making me feel even more guilty over the fact that I'm losing Calum and I could be losing my best friend too.

"You didn't," I mumbled as I stared out into the city, feeling every ounce of pain drain me like an object flowing down a sink, feeling every last breath squeeze my lungs, making me want to choke as the tears refused to tremble out of my eyes, for I felt as if I needed to keep this reputation up but I wouldn't be able to if he wasn't in the picture. In my picture, in my universe.

"Then what's got you so down?" Luke pursed as he began to rub miniature circles in my back, which was relieving but didn't make me feel better emotionally.

"Calum Hood has got me down."

His name rolling off of my tongue made my eyes water even more, the droplets threatening to spill from my eyes as I thought back to the expression he made and how cold and bitter his voice was. The words I don't belong to you echoing inside of my head, making me feel like I was falling deeper and deeper into the ocean and I'd be left there to drown.

"What did he do?"

I sighed. "It's not what he did, its what I did."

Luke knotted his eyebrows together, the obvious feeling of confusion relinquishing inside of him, leaving me to explain the mess I got myself into.

"I went down to the department, thinking that if I told Will that Calum wanted to join, he'd be happy. But he was so pissed and upset when I told him and I felt my world crashing down the very minute I knew he'd no longer want anything to do with me."

Luke allowed his head to fall behind him before lifting it back up and shaking it side to side with his eyes closed.

"Michael, what did I tell you about getting involved with people's personal lives?"

"It's bad," I mocked, "but in my defence, I wanted to help him."

"He can help himself, Michael. It's obvious he's not a two year old boy who needs to be supervised every five minutes."

I sighed, because I knew he was right. I knew I was being overly clingy and I knew I was letting that brunette get the very best of me but I couldn't help it because he was so cute and he made me feel like I could walk on water; in between buildings with no line to balance on; in front of cars where I'd know I could get hit and send myself to a hospital but I wouldn't die because he'd be there to save me.

"You're right. I just feel like I was sent to protect him, you know? It's like the world is crumpling in his hands, and I'm his angel, and he's my angel, and we're sent to help each other so we can both get our wings."

Luke laughed awkwardly, slinging his arm around me without making me feel uncomfortable, and he just shook his head in amusement.

"For someone as cocky as you, you'll most likely never have angel wings."

"Hey, people change."

"Unless their name is Michael Clifford," Luke retorted nonchalantly as he removed his arm from my shoulder and stood up, to where he'd reluctantly walk to the kitchen and make himself a bean and cheese burrito with guacamole and sour cream because it was his favorite.

"Anyway, what should I do? I thought about buying one of those giant teddy bears from Costco that cost like $500 and I'd give him it when I step off of the train."

"Too cliché, and it wouldn't fit inside of the train doors, anyway. Try something less romantic, since you guys are or were starting to form a friendship and aren't really in the romance stage yet."

"Well do you have any ideas then, Hemmings?"

"I do, but you can't be cocky about it."

-

I hated Luke's idea with a burning passion. He was supposed to be my wingman, the person who would help me with a guy or a girl, but Calum wasn't just a guy and he already means everything to me and just knowing that I messed up even the slightest bit is ruining everything.

"Do you remember the first thing you said to him?"

I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat up because I wasn't exactly proud of it, but it was something at least.

"Yeah it was, hey hot stuff, I'm Michael. And you are?"

Luke stopped in his tracks and hysterically began laughing, his chest practically heaving as he could have flung his body onto the public floor, where people would see and assume he was having a heart attack or something, but he didn't.

"That's terrible."

"I know."

"Well anyway, I was thinking you could draw him a picture of the moment you met him, to show him how much he means to you. Because some people just forget how they met and it becomes an unimportant process in their lives, but if you want Calum back, you have to show him he's important to you."

"I suck at drawing, Luke."

"So do stick figures, it doesn't matter. As long as you show him that you care, he won't mind the terrible drawing."

"Okay," I retorted, thinking that I had everything down and I'd be able to create something within five minutes but I was wrong, because the blonde continued to add on and I was left there with the urge to cry, because why did I have to mess up so bad to the point where its possible for him to not like my forgiving method?

"You should also attach a poem to him, explaining your feelings for him. It may creep him out a bit, but if he knows how much you care, you'll most likely never lose him."

I hated this idea more than anything. I liked being cliché. I wanted to give him a large teddy bear with a necklace wrapped around its wrist, saying a pick-up line, but Luke wanted it to be a friendlier gesture which irritated my soul, but I tried my absolute best to just go along with it, as he was decent with fixing friendships and relationships.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, and remember, if you don't swim, you'll drown."

I nodded, a smile playing on my lips as I walked away and headed towards my room, where I'd have to draw and write something for him, because I desperately wanted to save whatever we had. Because that day we spent together with flower crowns in our hair, and that night we spent in the parking lot, staring up at the stars and just talking was the start of something new, and I want to continue creating beautiful memories with him that I'll be able to look back at when I'm fourty years old because those are the type of memories that could be infinite and I want him to stay forever with me.