Mirrors | Malum

25

Calum

My sister found out what was going on between Michael and I. She pinpointed every second we spent together in words and described me looking at him as a "whole new world" and I told her to stop quoting Aladdin and she just laughed. She told me that she's never seen as many sparks light between two people as she has seen fireworks. There are millions of fireworks in the world yet somehow Michael and I come close in between them and light a fire and a spark bigger than they ever could have created. Its amazing but friends aren't supposed to do that. They're supposed to be platonic and I'm falling for a guy I've friend zoned since the beginning.

"Okay but have you seen the way he looks at you?" Mali questioned with her lips slightly parted. She wasn't texting her boyfriend for once and that's when I noticed something was up. If there is something important occurring in Mali's life, she'll instantly stop texting her boyfriend and focus on the situation. Am I possibly important? Is this Michael situation more important than interacting with the love of her life?

"Yeah, I have. He looks at me the way he looks at pizza."

"And how would you know that?" She pursed, easing her way closer to pushing my buttons. She's lucky I didn't have a potato to throw at her or whatever, because it'd hurt.

"Pizza is his favorite thing in the world," I replied, wondering how the hell I knew that when I've focused so much on the disgusting and small details about me that Michael loves so unbelievably much.

"I think you're his favorite thing in the world."

I nearly choked on the water that I previously gulped down before she said that and I felt as if all of the air that grew inside of my lungs escaped and evaporated into the pits of misery. No. I am not his favorite. I'm not even my own favorite.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think the two of you would be a great couple."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed afterwards. There was nothing in the world that could change my opinion on dating. I'm not a hopeless love story that millions of people cry over. I'm not a poem written about abstracted colors and blurred city lights or grey skies that seem to fade whenever the sun appears. No. I'm Calum and the only thing I am humanly capable of is avoiding mirrors. I still don't know what I look like.

"Mali-"

"No. You've been single for six and half years. It's time that you stop moping around in your room and start doing something about your love life. I don't want my brother frowning all the damn time because he can't catch fire."

"How do you expect me to love somebody when I can't even love myself? I can't do that to somebody, especially Michael."

I watched my sister sigh heavily and return to typing something on her phone. I knew I wasn't that important. In fact, if a car came cruising down the street and hit me, she probably wouldn't notice. But then again, who would?

My head kept trying to tell me that Michael would but I continuously denied those thoughts. He's just going to sweep me away with the broom that rests in the palm of his hands and I'm going to be that small speck of dust that lingers on his floors and gets stepped on or tossed into a panel that eventually makes it into a garbage disposal. I'm not looking forward to being seen as a useless object. I just want to be loved, but who's going to love a corrupted boy who's invisible? A corrupted boy who has struggled with a broken home and has cried himself to sleep even in the beautiful city of San Francisco. Why would Michael Clifford want a boy who can't carry on with his life because he's depressed? Why why why?

"Mali?"

"Yes, Calum?"

"Its not that I don't want to date Michael. Its just that I'm scared of being alone in the end."

She smiled sadly and gave me a look of pity mixed with hope.

"You won't."

Maybe she was wrong or right. I wouldn't know. And I won't find out how Michael feels about me if I don't risk attempting to share something that could be mutual. Its just a chance that I'll have to take and the truth is, I'm terrified.

But perhaps I won't be when I'm in the arms of a kitten who calls me his beautiful angel and at this point, I'm wondering why I've waited so long to tell him how I feel. What's the worst that could happen?

-

I rode a bike over to Olive Garden and lets just say I was out of breath after a minute and a half. My legs practically gave out at the end of every sidewalk but I eventually made it because I didn't have money to take a train.

And Mali was being stubborn so she wouldn't lend me anything.

Michael was working and let's just say he looked adorable. I wanted to plant kisses all over his cute face and I found myself questioning yet again where all of these thoughts came from.

I could hear somebody saying, Michael you have a guest and I suddenly grew afraid. All of my confidence drained into a river. I'm never going to see it again.

He glanced over at me and smiled, then nodded at the female before walking over to me without losing that smile.

"Hi beautiful."

"Hi," I retorted, feeling my cheeks lighten into a roseate blush.

"What's up?"

"There's something I need to get off of my chest and I'm afraid it will make you run off but oh my god, I can't hold it in anymore. I need to tell you before my lungs give up on me."

He smiled gently and moved closer.

"You can tell me anything."

"I think, no fuck, I know I am developing the biggest crush on you and I really want to be able to call you mine but I don't know how and just please say something before I run off and cry."

"Calum I-"

-

A/N:

Im leaving you with a cliffhanger sorry. Ily all ((((:

Im off to a shitty school dance so deuces 😂♥♡♡