Mirrors | Malum

41

Calum

Maybe I was too vacuous and blinded by the world around me that I didn't realize everyone was trying to find a cure for my mental state. Well - everyone except for my parents. It wasn't only Michael, who has yet to give up on me, that has tried to help me get better but my sister has been coming up with small specks and pieces as well. She wants to comfort me in the most comfortable way, if that makes any sense. And I appreciate it greatly - but she bought me a mirror.

It was wrapped up in black tape because she somehow knew I was afraid to look at my reflection. It's been six years and ten months since I last looked at myself. I was terrified to see what kind of monster I became and I didn't want to risk trying because I knew I'd disappoint myself and everyone around me.

What if I was ugly?

Maybe Michael was lying to me the entire time about being beautiful - or maybe he just felt sympathetic for me and wanted to convince me that I was attractive so that I could feel better about myself. Maybe he doesn't love me at all and it's just a form of my imagination. Maybe it's just me and I'm insane.

I stared at the taped up mirror for what felt like hours, and gazing up at my sister after contemplating on unwrapping it wasn't exactly the best idea. Mali was just sitting there impatiently, waiting for me to peel the black tape off so I could see what everyone apparently describes me as - beautiful. Which would most likely be opposite in my opinion.

"Are you going to open it or not?"

"I don't want to," I mumbled awkwardly, still gripping onto the handle of the mirror. I could see cracked pieces on the edges since she was getting rid of one of the mirrors she uses for makeup when she's in the car or in public. It was broken and she received a better one for her birthday from her boyfriend.

"Please, Calum. Michael isn't the only one who wants to see you get better, and if he was here, he'd be encouraging you to open it as well."

"But he wouldn't force me to," I concluded, knowing the way my boyfriend treats me. He makes sure that I'm comfortable in all situations, never yells at me and is always there. It's like we're the perfect pair and he makes me feel so happy and alive that I've forgotten the importance of not drowning myself at night when he isn't holding me.

He isn't always going to be this cotton cloud in the sky that I can rely on for rest and comfort. He'll be here from time to time, to remind me that while there are storms coming from one direction to another, he'll make sure that he guides and supports me through it. Not only is Michael a cloud, but he's the literal definition of a sun. Hot because he's attractive, and burning because he fills this hole inside of me with passion and love that I didn't even know I had. There's so much desire and potential within me that I've discovered thanks to Michael.

I wish he knew how much I appreciate him.

"If I'm going to do this, I want Michael here."

Mali scoffed. Don't get her wrong, she loves my boyfriend and I understand that she wants to do things alone with me as well. But sometimes there are certain situations where I need more than one person to hold onto, and if I don't have the guy who has saved me from everything, I won't have anyone to save me from my worst encounter yet - myself.

"Fine, I'll call him."

And she did.

Michael ended up coming and arriving within fifteen minutes. The two of us were lucky that our parents weren't home and were at work because he would have been kicked out immediately otherwise. I still hate the fact that my parents aren't as accepting as I thought they'd be, but at least they haven't threatened to disown me or throw me out onto the streets. Some people genuinely do get tossed out of their homes as though they're trash and it's pathetic and depressing if you ask me that parents can be that low sometimes.