I will love you till I die

And Fear Will Lose

{Ryder P.O.V.}

Your fault.

I slam my fist into the bathroom wall causing sharp pain to run up my arm.

It's all your fault.

I do it again. And again...... And again.

Nobody will ever forgive you.

I turn to the dispenser of paper towels and punch it until it's dented enough so nobody can actually use the paper towels inside.

Cry.

I hold my breath and look down at the bloody floor as I lose feeling in my hands.

Why don't you cry, it's been a whole two hours since you last cried.

I feel an involuntary tear slide down my face.

There you go. Who cares about your eyes being red and puffy. They know you're a whiny little bitch anyway.

I give in and lock myself in a stall.

Crying for what seems like hours, but it's been 17 minutes since I walked in the bathroom according to my phone.

I don't want to go outside the stall in case someone walks in, but I need to see how bad I look.

I raise my phone and see my red, blotchy face.

"Fuck.", I whisper, "Fuck, fuck, FUCK." I end this by screaming.

I fucked up. She hates me now. I told myself I wouldn't tell her anything and what do I do? Fucking tell her. Why does she have to be so easy to talk to.

I killed him. I'm a murderer.

That's all I know.

I don't know what is real anymore. I try and think of a good way to approach her without scaring the crap out of her or spilling my deepest secrets.

I walk out of the bathroom stall to see the school's popular emo sitting in front of, blocking, the door.

"Kellin." I nod.

"What's wrong Ryder?" He asks as if he's genuinely concerned.

"Just fucked everything up. I made a new friend but I'm scaring her off by telling her my... History...." I say. He knows what I'm talking about. He used to be friends with Nick before everything happened.

"Why would that run her off? You didn't kill him Ryder. I promise." He looks me in the eyes as if he can make me believe his words by staring at me long enough.

"Now I gotta go back to Vic before he misses me too much." Kellin says with a wink before turning to exit. "Talk to her. She's pretty and I know she likes you."

He leaves me there dumbfounded.