I will love you till I die

You're Just Trying To Read

{Colette P.O.V.}

It was silent on the way home.

Nobody said a thing. The clouds were crying and the sun was hiding it's face.

So was I.

My baby. My baby was taken from me.

I know teen pregnancy is frowned upon but, what did I do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve to lose the life inside of me, not only hers, but mine too.

I feel numb, when Ryder try's to hold my hand, I just move away. It's not that I blame him or anything, I just don't think I can stay strong because of this.

My grandmother and Ryder keep looking at me and sharing worried glances at each other in the rear view mirror. I don't care though. It's probably a good thing they're worried. Maybe when they find me it won't be as bad. I just want to be with my daughter.

As we pull into the driveway I get out before the car even stops completely. I hear Ryder calling after me but I don't care.

I stumble up the steps and unlock the door, I feel his fingertips brush against my waist before I rush into the house and into my room. I lock the door and sit down.

I can't even cry.

It feels like someone just cut open my heart and started clipping all the heartstrings.

"Mom? Dad? If you can hear me, please don't be disappointed. I didn't mean to do any of this. I never thought- .. I never thought it was possible to feel this much pain.. When I first saw Ryder I thought he was interesting, and I knew by the look in his eye he would be trouble but I didn't know he would be pain. I know you'd like him because you were so accepting but I know you'd be so disgusted by what we did. You wouldn't approve of the baby. And I know it's not his fault but- but I love him but I can't be disappointing anymore. I've lost too much. I'm not strong enough and I'm just asking you to please forgive me and please accept me when I get to you.. I love you guys." I can feel the hot tears finally falling down my face.

My world is crashing around me. I know that it'll get better but why should I wait and let it get better? Why should I wait for everything to be great? So it can come crashing down again? No. Not this time.

I find my way to my desk and pull out the razor I hid there.

Ryder is banging against the door and my grandmother is yelling. I don't care, I'm only disappointing them so why not end their misery.

Everything goes quiet and I decide against the razor. I put it away and close the drawer just as the door breaks open. My grandmother rushes in and comforts me as I look Ryder in the eye.

I can't read his expression before he shakes his head and walks out of the room.