Keep On Walking (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 3 of the Hardships Saga)

Chapter Fifty

❝panic (pronounced ˈpanɪk or pan-ik), verb
an instance, period, or moment of such behaviour.❞

Ryan walked into the classroom, and they all went quiet immediately. She didn't even smile at them. She couldn't. Not even if she tried. She was pregnant, she was depressed, and she didn't know if she could handle this.

After taking the roll in a very dull manner, she set a textbook exercise for the class. She hadn't listened to music since the time that she and Hunter had danced together. She didn't think she would be able to without having a mental breakdown. Still, the very first song of his that she had heard played in her head, making tears well up in her eyes.

"Mrs... Mrs Hayes-Lockhart?"

"Yes?"

"You knew Peter really well, right?"

Her head snapped up at the mention of his name. She couldn't remember this student's name. He had cold, brown eyes, and black hair. "He was your favourite student?"

"I don't have a favourite student," said Ryan emotionlessly.

"Either way," he said emphatically, "is it true that you and him had a fight the day before he killed himself?"

"Tom, don't!" snapped another student. This one Ryan knew. She had come to her office to ask about homework. Her name was Helena.

"That doesn't concern you."

"No one else is brave enough to ask this, but you were the last person to see him, right?"

Ryan began to shake, feeling tears prick at her eyes. "Tom, go back to your work."

"So you know his last words, I bet."

"Stop it, Tom," said Eric. "This isn't the right time."

"Apparently, he did it because the only person who liked him turned on him. Did he say that to you? Do you know if that's true?"

She couldn't muster the strength to answer him, and he said, "So it is true. This is all your f-"

Suddenly, her fist slammed down onto the table, screaming. "Stop it!" she sobbed. "Stop it, now!"

"Mrs Hayes-Lockhart-" another student tried to say.

"It is my fault, alright?! I heard his last words. I hear them every night. I haven't slept for so many weeks. I am trying so damn hard to be a good wife, a good mother, a good teacher, but how can I?!" She was yelling now, making the whole class stare at her. "I'm so sick of people looking at me like I could've stopped this. Because I know I could have, if I had just known. But I didn't, and it's all my fault that Alex and Lola aren't going to be Prom King and Queen this fall, and that Mina isn't going to marry the man of her dreams. This is my fault." She couldn't stop crying, and now she couldn't breathe. "But you know who else's fault it is? You guys. As students. Why can't you all just get along? Why can't you all be friends instead of calling each other freaks behind each other's backs and bullying the crap out of your peers? Why does that make you happy?" She lay her head on the table, sobbing quietly. "None of you can understand. You can't understand how it feels to see your best friend die right in front of you. You can't understand how it feels to see the life fade from someone's eyes." She took a deep, shaky breath. "I can't do this anymore," she cried. "I give up."

There was silence for a moment longer, then Helena stood up. She walked to the front of the room. "Ryan?" she said gently. "Ryan, do you need to see someone?"

She didn't look up. "Hunt... please, I just want Hunter."

"Okay. Where's your phone?"

She shook her head, still sobbing. "He's busy. He can't come."