Pan's Game || OUAT Fanfic || EDITED VERSION

Chapter 33; Rule Number Two, Don't Get Attached To Somebody You Could Lose

"There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts."

~ Neil Giaman, Fragile Things

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Alice's P.O.V

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"Please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back
Doesn't mean my heart
Stops skipping when
You look at me like that

There's no need to worry when
You see just where were at
Just please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back

Just please don't say you love me
'Cause I might not say it back..."

    "That's a lovely song," Ray comments as I play the last chord.
    "Yeah," I say smiling. "Gabrielle Aplin's songs are amazing."
    "Have you heard any of Zendaya's songs?" I ask.
    "I've heard all of them." he replies.
    "Which one is your favorite?" I ask.
    "Only When You're Close."
    I nod. "That's a nice song. Which part is your favorite?"

    "The part where it goes, "I can't catch my breath only when you're close. My heart drops out of my chest, only when you're close. I get so, get so wild only when you're close."
    We've been like this almost all night. We play each other our favorite songs on his keyboard and then ask each other which part of the song was our favorite.

    I hope he pays a close attention to the lyrics of the songs that I sing while I'm playing the piano. For the lyrics of those songs speak the words that I fail to tell to him. I'm really fond of him and all, but I'm not going to give him false hope by telling him that. I really good with words but sometimes it's hard to explain to people exactly how you feel.

    I fear that I won't do my feelings justice by putting them into words, so I restort to quotes and music. Because music is what my feelings sound like; and I have an obsession with quotes because other people are so much better at putting my feelings into words than I am.

    "Alice."
    I look up from the keyboard, smiling. "Yes, Ray?"
    "What— What are we?" he asks.
    "What do you mean by that?" I ask. I know what he's trying to say, I just want to be sure.
    Ray sighs and looks away as if contemplating wheateher or not he should tell me. Having made his decision, he turns to face me.

    "I lay in bed every night unable to sleep thinking about you." He pauses. "And I wonder if maybe you're lying in bed unable to sleep thinking about me."
    I think about what I'll say to him and how he'll respond.
    "I do think about you, Ray," I'll say. "More than you'd think I do."
    And then he'll engulf me in a hug and his lips will be one mine once more.

    "So," Ray says, bringing me back to the harsh reality of me breaking his heart. "Do you?"
    I swallow up the words I want to say again, wishing for the thousandth time that he could read my mind and understand my feelings. And instead of telling him exactly what I want to say, I tell something else. "Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combination."

    "Ray, my thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." I soften my tone. "Just give me time, maybe, just maybe I'll be able to tell you how I feel by then."
    He gives me sad smile. "If anyone's gonna break this heart, I think it should be you."
    I sigh. If only I was brave enough to tell you what I'm thinking.