Pan's Game || OUAT Fanfic || EDITED VERSION

Chapter 51; Conflicted Hearts

"Be careful of love. It'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong."

~ Rick Riordan

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Peter's P.O.V

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    Goosebumps appear on her arms and she shivers at the intensity of my gaze. She bites the inside of her cheek. "Stop it, Pete— Pan."

     I straighten upright and look her in the eyes. The look in her eyes reflect all the emotions I'm feeling, even the ones that I've hidden deep inside. Alice opens her mouth to shout at me but I cut her off, pressing my lips against hers. I kiss her, hard. I take out all my anger on her. All the pain, frustration, desire, hate, desperation. Everything. Alice is gasping like an asthmatic when I pull back. Her breathing rapid and shallow.

    I did everything for you! I want to shout at her. Everything! And this is how to repay me?
But I remain silent instead, waiting for her to speak first.

    I expected Alice to scream at me or walk away, but she doesn't do any of those things. She waits until she catches her breath, then crashes her lips onto mine. The next thing I know the two of us are kissing again. My hands are in her hair and her arms are around my neck, cradling my nape.

    "What— What are we?" she pants, pulling back, her breath hitting my lips.
    "I don't know," I admit, running my hand through her hair. We aren't friends, that much is clear to me. We've done many things that friends don't do. So what are we?
    Alice slowly looks me in the eye. "Then, what do you feel when you're with me?"

    I shake my head, unsure. My emotions throw me into a whirlpool that I can't escape from. Sometimes you're better off not knowing things, but this is not one of those times. I find myself craving her touch, drawn to her when she walks by. I find myself yearning for her lips to be on mine more often, wanting to hold her and kiss her like there's no tomorrow.

    Why? Why can't I escape the thought of her. Why am I so attracted to her?
    "Do you even feel anything?" Alice asks. "Hate? Lust? Ambivalence? Frustration? Libido? Confusion? Anything. . . ?"
    I don't know what to say so I don't say anything. She takes my silence as an answer, blinking away the tears that had formed in her eyes.

    She turns around to leave but I say something that stops her in her tracks. She turns around to face me.
    "What was that?" she asks.
    "Everything," I repeat. "I feel everything when you're around. I feel more focused when you're around, and more. . . more compassionate."
    The words that I've been holding back just come tumbling out and I can't stop them.

    "I'm like the dark, cold sky and you light me up fireworks, you reflect my darkness as if it's your light. You're the calm to my raging storms. You gave me colour to my once grey life. You're the the only good thing in my miserable life—you're everything to me and more. And I'm scared for the way you make me feel because I don't want to feel anything."

    Alice's eyes are cloudy with tears when I finished. "Do you," she pauses, clearing her throat. "Do you love me?"
    Do I? Is this what it feels like to be in love? Needing to be with the other person all the time, smiling for no reason when you hear their name, feeling the urge to protect them from the dangers of the cruel world?

    I open my mouth to tell her but stop when I feel the presence of someone stepping into Pixie Woods.
    "Peter? Are you alright?" Alice asks worriedly.
    "They're coming," I say. "You have to hide."
    "Where could I possibly hide?"
    I grab her my the arm and drag her towards my thinking tree. "Forget that idea, I'll have to tie you up.