STAR BLOSSOM | JUNGKOOK [HIATUS]

「009」

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WHAT AM I TO YOU?

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A few days have passed ever since Jungkook asked me to be his friend. I've been denying reality ever since he asked. Why am I so hesitant to be his friend now? I used to wish he would treat me like a friend, hoping that since we're roommates that we should have a friendship, but something in my gut tells me not to. I just don't know what.

We have a deal going on. If I don't accept being Jungkook's friend, then he'll tell the whole school that I work at a coffee shop. I've already said 'fine' which means we 'are' considered friends. But now that I know that he's an idol, what kind of mess did I get myself into?

Somehow, I feel like breaking up this friendship. Will I feel better if we do that? Besides, I've been avoiding him for the past few days as well. Jungkook's popular with many people since he's an idol, I don't want to be a part of that. I'm already trying to avoid as many people as I can in my life. I can't risk to have many people around me. If I do, more and more people would know the truth, the truth about my health condition. I don't want people to pity me. I've had enough of all the cocky rich kids at the school.

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My second class for the day was a tutorial class where we could work on whatever we wanted. The teacher for the tutorial class, Mrs. Yim, was there to help us with any other class work. I always use the tutorial class to finish up some things, but the rest of the class treats the tutorial class as if it was some free class. All they do is mess around, besides, their parents are going to just use their money to give them tutoring classes anyways. School was no point for them.

I walk into the classroom holding onto my notebook. As I walked in, I felt someone watching me. It was Jungkook, he had the look of concern in his eyes. Must be because of me avoiding him for the past few days. I go take my seat that is across from Jungkook. I continue to feel his presence around me. I can tell he has a lot of questions to ask me too.

J U N G K O O K

I watched Yoonbyul enter the classroom. I've been waiting for her to actually. Ever since I sort of threatened her into becoming my friend, she's been avoiding me. I asked her to be my friend because she was different than the other girls in this school. She was quiet and demure compared to the rest of these fangirls. I swear, I can't even relax at school. There hasn't been a day without the voices of screaming girls. I wonder how my hyungs are doing? They do have separate classes than me since they're in different grades than me.

Why does my friendship with Yoonbyul seem like it's going nowhere? From this point on, we'll be roommates who are just pure acquaintances. That's just going to be awkward. I don't like being awkward. Anyways, when have I've been this demanding of having a friendship with a girl? I thought I was afraid of them? Is there something about Yoonbyul that doesn't make me shy?

I stand up, causing my chair to make a slight screech noise from its friction with the floor. I notice Yoonbyul's head spring up a bit, as if she was expecting something. I begin to walk over to her. Am I rushing things? But if it's not it, it's not it.

"Yoonbyul-ah."

Yoonbyul stares at me with wide eyes as the light from the room reflected off her glasses. I can tell she doesn't want me to talk to her. I wonder why. Am I being too much by asking her to be my friend so suddenly? We have been friends for a few days now. Well... friends who don't talk to each other.

"Yoonbyul... I feel like you've been avoiding me. Is it that you don't actually want to be friends with me? Do you not like me? Do you hate me?"

I notice Yoonbyul bite her lip. She's making me anticipate for her answer.

"No, Jungkook, I don't hate you, but somehow I feel like I don't like you..."

"Then are we neutral? You say you don't like me but you don't hate me either. I don't know what you mean by that. Just tell me, are we friends?"

Yoonbyul closes her notebook shut and looks me in the eyes. I gulp with fear, yet I'm captivated by her eyes.

"Jungkook. It's not that I don't want to be your friend. It was all so sudden, and the way you asked me and such. I honestly don't know how to accept it. I only accepted it because I was afraid about you telling people that I worked at that coffee shop. I didn't want anyone else to know, I just don't want more people involved in my life."

"But I told you how I really felt. I told you the reason why I wanted to be your friend, not only because I sort of threatened you to, but because I felt like I needed a friend like you."

"You don't need a friend like me Jungkook, you simply want a friend like me. Need and want are two different things."

"To me, it still means I want you as my friend. So please, don't look at me as if you're looking at a stranger."

Yoonbyul sighs, "You'll regret being friends with me. I'm not normal, Jungkook. I have flaws."

"Every person in the world has flaws Yoonbyul. That's easy to accept. Just, what am I to you?"

I continue to look at Yoonbyul, awaiting her answer. Suddenly, the bell rang, Yoonbyul bolted out the door before I could even get an answer from her. No matter what she thinks, I'll still treat her and consider her as a friend, whether she likes it or not. But I do have to ask myself, why am I so desperate to have her as a friend?

Y O O N B Y U L

I actually ran out the door today. My breath sounds like a dog panting. I'm putting too much effort on my heart right now that it hurts. I go to the nearest water fountain and take out my medicine case from my pocket. The medicine is called immunosuppressants. The medicine helps prevent the rejection of my heart since it's not my heart. It's Hanbyul's heart, and to my body it's like a foreign object.

My heart transplant causes a few symptoms, one which is shortness of breath, the one I'm experiencing now. I take my medicine and began to feel much better and calmer. Why did I run off anyways?

What am I to you? Ugh. That question that Jungkook asked me is making me feel weird. I didn't even answer him, I just bolted out the door. Thankfully he didn't run after me for an answer. Seriously, what is Jungkook to me? Do I still consider him as a friend?

As I was lost in my thoughts, I heard some girls talking near the girls' washroom.

"I can't believe Jungkook went to talk to that Yoonbyul chick," said one of them, "What's so good about her anyways?"

"I know right? Jungkook should be talking to people who's like him, like us. Not a poor girl who probably doesn't even know the fact that Jungkook's even an idol," said another.

"Ha ha ha, and I bet she thinks that it's okay that she could get that close to Jungkook, what a joke. She's lucky that Jungkook went up to her because if she went to talk to him, who knows what I would've done to her," threatened this other girl.

"But don't you guys know that she shares a dorm with Jungkook? That lucky little bitch," huffed another girl.

I listened to every word those girls said and I held in my tears. I can't believe that those girls think about me that way. Their jealousy hurts me. Maybe this is the reason why I felt like I shouldn't be friends with Jungkook.

After all the classes were over for the day, I opened the door to my dorm and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I look at myself. I was just a poor girl compared to all these rich kids, I was middle class. Honestly, I should be the one asking Jungkook, what am I to you?

Just as I was about to become lost in my thoughts again, I heard the door to the dorm open. I leave the bathroom to see Jungkook standing there. I have something to say to Jungkook, maybe this will answer his question. I quickly recall the recent situation about those girls' conversation and made up my mind.

"Jungkook... Let's not be friends."