Accidentally Falling | Narnia

33 | ruins

He's coming home.

Those words kept resounding over and over inside Susan's head as she stood at her bedchambers' balcony, staring up at the star-splattered skies, and barely noticing the freezing night air whipping frigid daggers at her face.

A letter had arrived through a raven earlier from the Lone Islands. It turned out that Caspian had no difficulty in settling the slavery issue he had been sent to settle. According to him, it took only less than a month with the help of Lord Bern and his people. They tracked down the slave lords and managed to wring information from them about the missing Lone Islanders that they had sold. The people of the Islands were very grateful to Caspian and Aslan and vowed their allegiance to Narnia's crown as long as the Island shall exist.

The letter was dated two weeks before and the residents of Cair Paravel assumed that Caspian was now on his voyage back to Narnia and probably even halfway home. They were all glad that Caspian's voyage to Lone Islands was a success and excited because he was on his way back, a couple of months earlier than what they had expected. The palace staff and Peter's advisors were planning to throw a celebratory ball for this success and were now asking for the blonde-haired King's consent.

Susan was in a trance the whole afternoon after Lucy conveyed the news. She didn't even remember how she got to her bedchambers. All she remembered was that she skipped dinner because her thoughts made it impossible to think about other things and she thought maybe freezing herself out in her balcony might help her keep them at bay.

And yes, part of why she skipped dinner was because she didn't want to see Peter.

She bathed herself in the moonlight, trying to take control of her swirling thoughts. The whole of Narnia was at her feet, its beauty illuminated by the silvery moonlight, and yet she barely even took a glance.

This was the moment Susan had been dreading for ever since she decided to tempt the cosmos and gave in to her feelings in that blasted field. What was she supposed to say to Caspian? Was she supposed to tell him the truth despite knowing that it might hurt him? Was she supposed to tell him that she had loved him but then she realized she loved his brother too? Or was she supposed to continue with whatever she had with him before he left and pretend like nothing happened while he was away?

But what about his said brother? His said brother that Susan fell head over heels for accidentally? His said brother who she couldn't stand the first second she met him but now turned out to be one of the most important persons in her life?

Again, how did her life become so ridiculously complicated?

Susan gripped the railings of the balcony very hard, shutting her eyes tightly that she didn't care if she wouldn't manage to open them again. It took all of her willpower not to jump over that balcony. Maybe that way, a solution might surface for her current predicament. Her silly yet confusing and guilt-ridden predicament.

"You missed dinner," a voice spoke behind her.

Susan didn't bother to turn around.

That voice used to make her heartbeat race a million miles per hour. It used to calm her everytime she'd start worrying about the prophecy. It used to comfort her (by making fun of her) everytime she'd get on a ridiculous argument with Edmund.

That voice used to be her... well, everything.

But now, it just made her want to cry.

"And you didn't knock," she said.

"I did, but you didn't answer, so..." he trailed off. She could feel him hesitating. "It's shivering out here, Su. You could catch cold."

Still, she didn't respond. How could she when her mind was so full of confusion and worry and guilt that thinking about anything else was literally impossible? She could sense him moving towards her but she didn't turn around and acknowledge his presence. When he reached her side, she didn't turn to face him.