In my veins {hotchniss}

9

Aaron's Pov:

I shut my office door behind me, taking a deep breath. Why did Emily and Derek know each other? It's not like I cared a lot about it but, knowing Derek for years now, I know him and what he does too well.

And just the thought of him and Emily together made me sick. She wouldn't do that though, right? Of course not.  I glanced out the window of my office and saw JJ and Garcia showing her to her desk, which of course was right next to Derek's.

A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts and I saw Reid and Rossi.

"What's wrong?" I asked noticing both of their looks.

"How come we weren't told about a new member joint?" Reid asked, glancing behind his shoulder to the group of girls talking.

"I wasn't aware of it either until last night." I stated.

"But she was here earlier...and you two had a-" Reid trailed off and looked over at Rossi for help. I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest raising my eyebrows.

"Well I mean what I think Reid here is trying to get at is that you were yelling at one another the other day." Rossi said.

"I told her I didn't remember signing any papers and she didn't believe I was telling the truth, so we just started fighting about it."

"And do you just start fighting with every agent who comes in here...or is that a new thing?"  I gave David a glare, and he stuck his hands up defensively.
"Just wondering how you two got from fighting to her joining the team the next day."

"Apparently I signed her transfer papers, it must've been when I was up late with Jack or something I don't remember signing them but my signature was on there."

"How do you not remember-"

"Some of us don't have eidetic memories." I snapped citing Reid off. His face fell and he looked obviously hurt, I glanced at Rossi who also was shocked by my change of voice.

"I'm sorry Reid, I just had a late night." I said now feeling guilty, he nodded and have me a small forced smile.

"Don't be, your right." He paused thinking of what else to say.

"Why don't you go see if Agent Prentiss needs some more help." Rossi said giving Reid a look, he nodded and immediately left the room-shutting the door behind him.

"Now that it's just us, why don't you tell me what's really going on?"

I looked at him, and knew that there was no way I was going to be able to lie to him, he knew me way too well for that to work.

"Aaron." He said crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't know." I finally said shaking my head.
"Jack's growing up, and I'm just missing all of it, when I'm here I'm here doing work. When I'm home I'm doing work. He's already in the first grade. And when I look at him, I see that this isn't what Haley would've wanted. She would want me in his life, she wanted me in his life." I cut myself off feeling the memories flooding back of the horrible day.

I closed my eyes quickly, wanting to get the images-the horrible memories out but they were branded into my head. I've relived every second seeing what I could've done to make her still be alive, over and over again.

"She also understood that you need to do this job." Rossi said snapping me out of the horrid flashbacks.

"This job is what got her killed."

"It's been three years."

"Exactly. My son lost his mother because of me, when he was only three years old, and now he's six."

"He's going to understand that you and Haley did everything to keep him alive."

"How do you know that?" I asked shaking my head.
"The killers we find from this job, it almost always relates to their parents-what if Jack becomes something like that, because of me?"

"We don't know for sure. But I can tell you that that kid is one of the sweetest I have ever known, he loves you, he loves all of us, and wouldn't hurt anybody on purpose." I stared at him knowing that he was right. Jack was a good kid.

"I just don't know if I can keep doing this alone David. He needs a mother. I'm not sure that having just me and Jessica is enough for him. I just-I can't do this alone anymore."

"So don't." He said making me give him a confused look.

"So don't? That's the best advice you can give me?" I asked and he laughed a little his eyes flickering from the window back to me.

"I just mean, you don't have to do this alone. I think that if you keep looking the right person will stand out to you, and Jack." I raised my eyebrows and he just shook his head again.

"What if Haley was it for me? Everybody gets one person to love, and Haley was mine."

"I don't believe that. Haley would want you to be happy."

I nodded knowing that he was right. It's been three years already, I couldn't keep holding onto the past; it wasn't going to change anything. I had to move on from her. She was gone.

"We should get going." I said breaking the silence heading back over by my desk. He sighed and nodded opening up the door again, but paused.

"Aaron, don't hold back in life because of one thing." He said, then turned and left me alone.

I stared out the window as he walked down the walkway and caught a glimpse of the smiling woman who wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

Which in a weird way-part of me was okay with that.

 The other part though-wasn't.