In my veins {hotchniss}

30

Emily's Pov:

I listened quietly as Reid began to state his facts about..well something, and began to drift off. I mean who could keep up with what this kid was saying? Don't get me wrong he's incredibly sweet, and I know he means well but just how much he knows about well..everything scares me.

My eyes fell onto the files spread out all over the table, trying to focus on what we all had so far. Hotch and JJ went to go talk with one of the victim's daughters again to double check a few things, I forgot where Morgan and Rossi went off too considering it's been about two days since we've gotten sleep. I felt my eyes burning inside of my head, aching for me to close and rest them but instead I continued to torture myself by staying awake to solve this.

Every piece of energy I had was gone, the only thing I was running on now was coffee. Which I could hardly stand right now from my pounding headache which Reid definitely wasn't helping with at the moment. I put my elbow down on the table and rested my head up on it closing my eyes for a brief second feeling a little relief come from it. It took about another minute before he finished talking.

"What do you think?" Reid's voice asked making me open my eyes back up slowly and I saw him staring at me, taking a sip from the blue mug eagerly and wide awake. God what was his secret to being so energetic and not tired after forty-eight hours of this? Was I just too old or something? No. Let's not go there Emily.

"I honestly can say..I have no idea." I admitted weakly. He nodded and put his mug down onto the table away from the files not to stain them. I rubbed the inside of my eyes to wake me up a little more and he must've noticed it because he looked sad towards me.

"That's okay. Maybe the team will come back with new information." He said taking a seat across from me.

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded and took a long sip from his mug again, pushing his hair away from his face.

"When exactly do you think we'll have a breakthrough on this?" I asked trying not to sound too desperate or disrespectful.

"That's tough." He said shaking his head back and forth. He put his mug back down and continued without even taking a breath.
"Sometimes it's right away, other times it takes a few days or even weeks. That's what can be hard about this job. But if you focus on the case I find it's better in your favor. You know?"

"Right. But isn't it difficult to focus just on this? I mean doesn't your mind have like ten things going on all at once?"

"Uh, not exactly. I mean yes I think a lot while I'm thinking about something else but that's how I process things." He said and I nodded trying to show some interest. I didn't want to come across as rude, but he was so hard to pay attention too-especially at this late at night.

"Maybe we should take a little break from talking about just the case?" He suggested with a kind look on his face.
"Just to try and help wake you up a little."

"That's kind of you but uh I think Hotch would be upset if he found out we weren't discussing the case." I said as I took another sip of my coffee. Reid just shrugged and fixed one of the files that wasn't in line with the other files.

"I think he'd be okay with it. He usually encourages us to take time for ourselves. This job can be really draining and it's good to distract yourself at certain times." He said.

"Right." I whispered.
"Can I ask you something about him?" I asked after a minute or two of silence.

"About Hotch?"

"Yeah."

"He wasn't always that way." He said before I even asked the question. I stared at him and cleared my throat not knowing how to ask him to go on more. He caught onto me though and continued.
"He used to be more open, and he is still a good guy and an amazing friend but he just comes across as..." he trailed off not wanting to say anything negative about him.

"Did he change after what happened with Jack's mom?"

"Yeah. It was uh-a really difficult time for all of us actually. She was a really good person. Just the way she was killed in front of him too-I'm not surprised by how much he's changed." He added.
"I mean if the woman I loved died in front of me I think I'd never be able to recover from that."

"She was killed in front of him?" I asked surprised.

"Not necessarily in front of him...they were on a phone call. We all were patched in and heard it." He said looking down at his lap while he twisted his mouth.

"That's terrible." I managed out of my mouth. I felt a large knot growing inside of my stomach, feeling sick. I didn't know why I was feeling so guilty but it was getting worse by the second.

"Did you at least catch the guy that did it?"

"He uh-was gone before we even made it to the house."

"So he's still out there?"

"That's why hotch stays so late most times. He's been searching for the reaper ever since. I mean it's been almost three years and he hasn't given up. None of us have."

"Wow." I said understanding.
"Where was Jack during all of it?" I asked.

"He was hiding. If he wasn't he most likely would've ended up like Haley as well which is why Hotch is so protective over him."

"I think I really misread Hotch." I admitted.

"Hey don't feel too bad. There's no way you could've known any of that and I mean you're new, it's going to take some time warming up to us and all."

"Right." I said smiling a little and watching him look back down at the file.

"I'll go make us some more coffee. It looks like we're going to be here all night."

"Better then being on a stake out." He said and I nodded in agreement grabbing his mug as I stood up.