I miss you.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Take It All

A/N:
I don't have anything to say so! Enjoy
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~Chrissy's Pov~
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I was crying...why was I sobbing into her bed. She's right here she's with me why do I miss her so much. I started crying even harder when I realized I loved her. She's probably with Justin right now. It burns my hear not telling her how I feel, but it would hurt me even more if she didn't love me back. You don't know how hard it is! I didn't just need her I had to have her...but when you can't that's the worst part, especially when you know.
Why can't she just see I hate being her friend! Anytime she calls my name I want to say 'yes, babe'
I want to say I love you and mean it the way she did.
I want her to hold my hand and tell me she'll never leave me.
I'm the stupid one!
But...I came to realization that...I'd be anything with her, cause having her in my life is a blessing no matter what she is. I just have this feeling shell never love me, I just want her so badly sometimes. I want to kiss her and tell her she's perfect and every flaw she has is everything I adore.
I just need her.. I'm so tired of trying to be happy for her, when I'm not. At the end of the day I end up crumbling like this....
"Chrissy? Why are you crying" she said suddenly opening the door.
I whiled my face super fast, and smiled Fakely. I couldn't smile...I was too hurt. Damn, I depress myself. "I'm n-not" I stuttered.
"Come here" she said holding her arms out. I hugged her and feeling her warmth, breathing her in... I started crumbling in her arms falling to my knees in tears... I looked up at her and she was wiping tears of her own. "You Are not the only one who's broken, falling apart, cause me...I am" She smiled sadly.
~Chris's Pov~
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Dear, Kaylee
I woke up early today, wanting to be happy. Wanting to be okay. Seeing you cry made me sad all over again.
I hate seeing you sad knowing I can't do anything about it. "I can't make her happy I can't make her love me the way I do. I needed her, but she doesn't hear me cry at night she doesn't know want I do when I'm all alone.
I wish I could tell her everything that I feel I wish I didn't have to lie and say I love being her best friend! Me walking away from her months ago was the biggest mistake I made.
All I want to feel is her love her soft touch I want to help her with her problems I want to be the shoulder she cries on. I love her more than anyone will ever understand, and I can't help it either because I know she will never love me.
I hate this, I can't escape her, everything I do evolves her I promise you that.
I can't last one moment in my life with out doing something based for her.
Everything about me seems abstinent, besides you and breathing.
There's no difference I may be young but I know what I feel, if it's worth taking my own life...then I think It's true.
The only answer, the only conclusion I come to no matter what happens when I shut that door.
I love you,
Is the only thing that comes to mind when I think of you."
~Chris.
I folded the envelope and hid it in my suitcase. No I wasn't leaving, I just needed some place to hide it. When I was going through my bag I found Kaylee's Diary. Oh, I forgot About this thing.
I flipped through the pages and my personal favorite, October second two years ago. When she realized she loved me.
Dear, Diary
I don't know want this feeling is...every time I see him my heart speeds up like crazy, when he calls my name with that warming voice of his I scream inside. I just...want to be his
<3
I think...
I love him..
His smile, his walk
Well...I just... I just love everything about him..
~Kaylee
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I flipped to the most recent page and that was two months ago.
It was titled, the confession.
Dear Chris,
Title: My Souls On Fire;) ..... (Sound Familiar Shy-girl? (Insider)..)
I seriously don't now how you dint see this letter/text/call coming....my hearts on fire when i look into your eyes I'm screaming "CHRISSY I LOVE YOUU" lol so lets get serious. I like you yes you know cause I told you. No false. I don't like you. I'm in love with you 100% hands down. I'd do anything for you. I just don't understand how a person could love someone so much. Even when I'm with you all day like today..I miss you so much. Chris I love you. I could say that all day if I had to. The worst part is you not loving me back. I learned that I don't even need that 1% all I need is you, you being around makes me at my happiest. I could never be mad at you. I love it when you laugh like the music to my ears. And your voice haven't I heard the best song ever? No cause thats how I feel when you talk. I love every word you say.
Your looks. Your very attractive to me everything about you. Your walk. Your talk. Your silly faces. Your smile. Your laugh. That run. even though it looks hilarious I just love it. I just love how your always there for me. I love it how you actually mean it when you call me best friend. Cause I want to be that. I'd like to be any thing with you . As long as I can talk to you I don't care what I am to you. Your my rock. At my saddest moments I feel like your my safe place. Like I could tell you anything.
Chris I just love that name. Even when people I don't know in public say the name Chris I still smile. My friends don't understand that I'm TRULY,MADLY,CRAZILY in love with you. I just don't want to get hurt. But I know the best thing is you'd never hurt me. You told me that. And I know for a fact you wouldn't hurt me ever. I trust you with everything. I just want to be with you all day.
I realized today when you put your arms around me (not purposely a hug) I felt like I was home. Every song every road sign every show every laugh every fall...lol reminds me of you. I can't help but think about you allllllll day long. I just want to lay with you. Me in your arms. We don't have to say anything at all the action means the most (like the HUG action) I just want you to see me. . . I seem so strong but I break sometimes and I just wish you could be with me physically when I'm not okay. I need you in my life. If you died my life would have no purpose. I know it doesn't seem like I care a lot about you but I care more for you than some of my BESTFRIENDS. Even some family. You are not just a guy. Or a crush. You are a miracle. And god made me lucky enough to meet such a funny,cute,whimsical, clumsy, imperfectly perfect, A Tard (yes its a word paraphrasing of 'retard' duh!) that completes my life. Words. Cannot describe how much I love you and love spending time with you.
If you kissed me. If. Lol. I'd die. Cause I've dreamt about it every single night since October second. I remember everything about you because I'm in love with you. Every word you say to me is important thats why I could never forget it. And I'm writing what I feel right now this didn't take me an hour cause this was how I felt. And it's how I'll always feel.
Chris, I love you...
And remember...
I ALWAYS will..;)
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Wow.
And you thought she only liked you a little bit ;)
"Wow..." I said. I threw the diary back in my bag and laid on my back...I never knew anyone loved me that much.
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A/N:
Hey OMG this is such a short...yet cute... Chapter!
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