Laurine's P.O.V
I felt my face drain of colour and the sinking feeling in the put of my stomach was back. It was familiar though. If felt like this for so long now.
The relentless loud thump of my heart was interfering with my thought process as I tried to look Ciara in the eyes. I'd kept this a secret for so long.
"Ciara are you alright?" I ask, stalling I suppose.
"Laurine don't you dare try and distract me."
"It still worried you, doesn't it? Dean?"
I see her face fall and confirm everything I'd suspected.
She's shattered inside from last time, the thought of it ever happening again was killing her slowly. But maybe it was about to get worse.
"Laurine please it's in the past. Can you tell me your story now?'
The tears begin to flow and I feel my heart break into a million, tiny pieces.
"It's been killing me, keeping it to myself Ciara but it's toxic. I'm toxic. I'm better off just letting you all be happy and pretend like there's nothing wrong."
Ciara shakes her head furiously.
"Of course not! Tell me now or I'm seeking professional counselling to get it out of you."
"Can I tell it like a story at least? So I can pretend it's all just made up?' My voice breaks and my hands tremble. Ciara throws her arms around me but I push her off. She looks slightly hurt but she settles back into her seat and waits for me to speak, taking my hand instead.
" so once upon a time there was a girl who was going through a really tough time in her life and hated herself to bits. She felt worthless apart from when she made her best friend smile and knew that she meant something to somebody. The girls spent all their time together and shared everything. One night the girls best friend was in bed sick, but she insisted that her friend go have a good time without her. The girl would've been happy to stay and watch movies with her friend but she was told to go."
I stare at the table, trying to swallow away the horrible lump on my throat and force the years to stop. But the attempt was futile. I drop the pretence and continue to tell Ciara about what I did on that to night.
"I went out Ciara, when you were in bed and I had way too much to drink. I partied with people I didn't know and I laughed and danced and shouted and everything was okay. I decided to walk gone that night but I fell. I should've gotten up, could've gotten up but my head was spinning from the drink. I sat on the cold pavement and leaned against the wall. And then I heard voices, several loud, male voices who'd obviously also been drinking. "
Ciara's hand tightens on mine and she looks petrified. Her eyes are wide with fear as she beckons for me to continue.
"Of course I'd normally have run but my senses were definitely dulled and I felt sick. So I didn't. The men stopped in front of me. One bent down to pick me up and he smelled so nice and I kissed him Ciara."
At this point her face has drained of colour but I know she's misunderstood. I shake my head but the years have begun to spiral out of control and she presumes she knows the rest. But she doesn't.
"It was Dean" her hand pulls away as though she's been scalded and her eyes fill with tears. She looks so vulnerable.
"I knew who he was as eh brant down to help me Ciara and I did it anyway. Of course it was the drink but still. I begged him not to tell you and then I threw up. And I guess he felt sorry for me because he never did. I broke you two up and the guilt has been eating me alive." She stands up and runs from the room.
"I'm sorry." I breathe , too little, too late.
