Unexpected

Chapter 29

Samantha's POV:

After I walk back into our hotel room I walk towards Niall who is still laying on the sofa watching TV.

“When do we have to leave?” I ask him.

I'm still not used to all this touring and all the different times.

“In two hours, I guess” he shrugs his shoulders as he looks at his watch. “Paul will call us anyway” he smiles.

“Okay Thank you, I'll be in my room” I tell him and walk away.

I hope Harry is coming back in time and I hope he tells me what's wrong. I wonder where is is going anyway and I hope he isn't going to Linda. I feel confused and when I think about what happened last night I'm still a little embarrassed. I never thought I'd let him touch me and then he did and I liked it and now he's gone. I can't get the thoughts out of my head that he only uses me, that whenever he has nobody else he wants me to be his doll. But then at the same time he wanted me to stay and he basically begged me to stay with him and I saw it in his eyes that at this time there was no lust in them. He really just wanted me to stay with him and I kinda let this happen. I never knew what was going to happen but he was sweet last night and he seemed like he cares.

I grab my phone and look for any missed calls, nothing, not even a text message. I play with the thought to call Harry but decide against it, I don't want to annoy him and I don't want him to think that I need him that much. It just worries me how his mood changes so fast and he never tells me what happened or what he's thinking.

As I lay there on the bed I decide to listen to some music and I grab my iPod and put some relaxing music on. It reminds me of the times when I wanted to calm down before different ballet competitions. It makes me think of my mum and my family and I realise that I miss them a lot. As much I hated my mum for always controlling me I still miss her around me, I miss her giving me advices and I miss being honest with her, telling her about my experiences and seeing how proud she is. The thoughts about my mum bring tears to my eyes, I want to be strong but I can't help it. The slow music in my ears and the pictures of my mum in my mind make me close my eyes, the tears stream down my face. This is the first time I really feel homesick and just want to go back to how everything was before I got into this hip-hop dancing thing. Why am I even doing this. Since I've here I made some new friends yes but I met Harry and since then everything turned worse. I begin to be angry with myself that I always end up thinking about Harry, it seems like he is completely controlling my life and I wish I could change it but I combine everything with him. Everything. These weeks were just too much for me, it is the first time I'm away from home, the first time I can't be honest with my mum, the first time I actually go out and party, the first time I got drunk, the first time I kissed someone and the first time I got intimate with a boy. As I think about it again I realise how much I actually changed. I never thought that I would like me with make-up on and that I would wear those clothes I actually begin to wear and begin to like. I never thought I'd look a boy into the eyes and wish I could kiss him, I never thought I'd ever like a boy near me. Why did all of this change, who made me change? Why does it already feel normal to me? Again last night come to my mind. I remember exactly how Harry made me feel and when I think about it, even more tears stream down my face. I should have stopped him, I always promised myself that I'd never let someone touch me unless I'm in love. What was I even thinking last night, why did I let this happen? I don't know why I think about this now but it makes me cry even harder. Since I came here and left my home I'm always crying, always. What is wrong with me. I want to stop the tears but it doesn't work, I'm quietly sobbing into my pillow as I turn my music louder. I'm not sure if I want any of this any more. Right now I just want to go home and live the life I had before.