Punk & Metal

My Head's Been Trippin' All Night

Calum said that he was going to go home, and that everything was to much for him. I understood what he meant. He had been crying for hours, begging the nurses to let him in to Michael's room, but each time they denied him any kind of access.

Michael was in the ICU. They were able to stop the bleeding, but he had lost so much blood, and apparently the red headed girl had slammed him against the wall hard enough to injure his head, which didn't help. Ironically, he's in a coma. The doctors say however, that he should be fine. That although all of this traumatic crap has happened to him, he should wake up. When they told Calum and I that, I was ready to choke them. How can you tell someone, "Yeah, you're friend is about two steps from death, but he'll get out of it," without feeling like you're ruining their life? They didn't even give us an expected time span in which this miracle "awakening" would occur. So really, all my hopes have fallen out the window.

"Mr. Irwin?"

I looked up in acknowledgement of the nurse's voice.

"Ms. Blake has requested for your presence."

I got up from my chair and walked into her room. There she was, her hair in a ponytail with her bangs barely hanging over her eyes. She sat up against the headboard of the hospital bed, twiddling her fingers. She looked slightly insane. But who wouldn't be if they weren't allowed to leave a white-walled room?

I knocked on the small rolling desk that was at the front of the bed to get her attention. Her gaze quickly snapped to me, and I could see the pain in her eyes, which were somehow a darker shade of brown than before. The dark circles under her eyes said what she couldn't, and before she broke into tears, I was able to catch her in my arms, despite having to literally jump across on the bed.

"Ashton why does this keep happening?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why does everything keep falling apart? Also, why does everyone seem to fall into a coma?"

I laughed under my breath as she pulled away and faced me face to face, "I have no clue."

"Did I ruin everything?"

"What?"

"Answer my question."

I took a second before saying, "No."

"Look Ashton, I know you're lying. I know because I've even ruined my own life. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything is so difficult now, and I don't know how to deal with it. I've never had to deal with so much drama besides a high school sweetheart who wasn't faithful. Now, I know what it feels like to be dead, to be stabbed, to be betrayed, to be a cheater, and to feel completely and utterly stupid. I've single-handedly wrecked any good thing I could've had with you guys. And any sane memories we could've made. So I'm done."

Blake took a deep breath before lying and snuggling back into her covers, turning her back towards me, "Blake."

"As soon as I get out of this damned hospital, I'm getting out of this damned city, out of this damned state, hell maybe even out of this damned country."

In a weird surge of annoyance, I climbed on top of her and made her face me by grabbing her by her shoulders and pinning her to the bed, "Hell fucking no."

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"You are too deep into the game to just quit. You've weaved yourself into our lives Blake, and I don't think any of us are going to let you weave out."

"Luke is moving out, why can't I?"

"Luke was just saying that because he's a dramatic little bitch. He considers staying at his brother's for more than a week as moving out."

She bit her lip and tried to avoid my eyes.

"Blake you are such a big part of our lives now and we love you way too much. I love you, you're like a sister to me. It's only been a few months but I don't care. I know you so well now, and I know you're strong enough to get through this."

"I know you think that Ash, but maybe I've just given up."

"You can't."

The door opened to let Luke in, and he stared in shock at me hovering over Blake.

In his most obnoxious tone ever he says, "I thought there was a rule about patients having sex."

I got off of Blake, dusted my shirt off and casually shrugged, "Relax Mr. Hemmings, we weren't going to do anything anyways."

~~~~~

BLAKE POV

There he was. Luke stood a yard from my bed side with a bouquet of flowers in hand and a small stuffed bear in the other. He was simply dressed, a dark navy long-sleeve with black skinny jeans and black converse that weren't actually tied. He silently asked for permission to move closer, and in response I nodded to the edge of the bed.

He cautiously took a seat where my feet were, setting the flowers and bear on the other side. He kept his eyes on his hands that her held to his lap in a weird anxiousness.

I knew exactly why when he blankly told me the news.

"He's in a coma."

Did you hear that? My heart disappearing?

"They say he got a head injury, lost a lot of blood, but'll be alright, in the end."

I don't want to speak.

"I thought he was dead when the ambulance got there, but I think him being in comatose is even worse."

I can't speak.

"I'm sorry I'm saying this so bluntly, but I don't know any other way to put it. Also, I'm sorry for lying about me moving. I was kinda eavesdropping on your conversation with Ashton"

Is that really relevant now?

"He's right yanno, about you being strong enough to make it through this. I've never met a girl like you before, and I know that every girl I've ever met before you would totally book it if they were in your situation. Hell, they would've left a long time ago. But you? Nah, you're tough as fuck."

This pep talk isn't helping.

"He's also right about us loving you."

Don't go there.

"You already know I love you, and I'm not going to go into a whole speech about how much and why. But I wanna say that you shouldn't feel like all of this, or any of this is your fault, because none of it is. It's mine."

Can I block you out yet?

"I should've just left left you alone, even though I had this crazy crush on you. I could tell the moment we left your store that day that Michael was in love, and I should've left it at that. I shouldn't have tried to push my affections onto you or make you want me. I shouldn't have kissed you that night. Everything would be different if I had just been smart. You would've been happy with Michael without having to worry about any skeletons slipping out of the closet. You wouldn't have gotten into a fight with your best friend, gotten hit by a damn semi-truck, get into a coma, be stabbed, any of it. Michael would probably be playing his guitar with you right now while Calum and Ashton watched a trashy movie and I ate a crappy sandwich I found under my bed. Our lives wouldn't be so screwed up if I hadn't been so damn stupid."

Luke obviously wanted me to say something, but I couldn't. Today has finally made me realize it truly is not my fault. Not entirely at least. I mean sure, a lot of stuff wouldn't have happened if he wouldn't have kissed me, but Naomi would probably still be planning my demise. If anything, she might have gotten away with it.

With a slight nod I looked up at Luke, "Thanks."