Bracelets // Mgc

Five (tw)

Dear Michael,

Today was f-ed up, really bad.

It started with me bombing a test in my Calculus, 5/15. Then my parents were arguing when I came home, threatening divorce like they always do. My brothers were also screaming and yelling over the video games and adding on to my shitty day.

I tried talking to my friends, it didn't work. They told me that sometimes you just gotta suck it up and realize others have it worse than you. I know, great advice, right?

I can't blame everyone on this bad day though though, I made it worse myself by breaking my 1 and 1/2 month clean streak. I ended up with four more scars, which just adds on to my f-ed up wrists. Guess who's gonna have to buy more bracelets, and I'm not ready to hear all the complaints from everyone else.

"Oh you're back at it again with your obsession to look like Michael! When are you going to get over this phase?"

Sad that it's not a phase.

If they could look at my wrist, they'd know why I can't take these off. If they knew what you did now, if you read these, they would all understand. It looks like we own a cat that absolutely hates me.

We do though. It's just, the cat is metaphorical for the demon inside of me that lashes act my wrists when I'm weak.

(That was poetic, I can be the next John Green... kidding, I'm not good enough for that)

I'm not ready to have to stop by the mall and buy more. I don't want to hear them whine and complain summer is coming up so I can't not buy them. I wonder how you do it, the long sleeves in the summer.

I can't do that. I can barely wear all these bracelets. I wondered why you wear them constantly, and I think it's because you're like me, but maybe I'm wrong. Your life seems perfect, but I guess nothing is ever as it seems. I wish I knew, the comforting (yet disgustingly terrible) thought of my idol going through what I am is... I guess you can say inspiring, in so many f-ed up ways.

So right now I'm listening to Broken Home and I'm wondering why such a sad song can bring me such comfort, such familiarity. It makes me feel like I'm not alone I guess, like if you guys can write about these struggles then someone other than me relates to my shitty life. I feel bad for them.

But I guess I shouldn't complain, others have it worst than me, so there's no room for crying, right?

Lots of love,
Aleigha x

(P.S. I'll be sending these five at a time, I'll send more next week. God, I hope you'll read these or else it's all for nothing.)