Bracelets // Mgc

Twenty One (tw)

Dear Michael,

I really want to talk to you but I feel like I'm a loser honestly. You're so cool and relatable but I feel like I'm not good enough to be around someone like you. I'm actual garbage while you're like... you're like a god I guess you can say.

Maybe my self esteem is too low. Maybe I don't think of myself as high and mighty as I should. Or maybe I make you out to be a more than what you are. Who knows anymore honestly, either way, I still don't feel like I could ever be your friend because I am unappealing in every way, I have loads of problems, from insomnia to self harm to lack of confidence to anxiety. I'm a wreck.

Even kids in my class know that now. Somehow, someway, news spread that I cut myself, not sure how when I wear more bracelets than Einstein can count and am never in anything other than skinny jeans. I haven't told anyone besides you, so how could they have known?

Some people tell me that it's going to get better, but a majority tell me I'm an attention seeker and an idiot. They tell me I'm a waste of space for doing so and ask me why would I prolong the pain by cutting when I can just kill myself all together.

My friends don't even stick up for me Michael. Maybe once or twice they said to leave me alone, but once out of a hundred isn't enough for me. Am I too greedy for asking them to do it continuously? Am I expecting too much from them?

I wish life was different. I wish I was living in a fairytale; a shitty life with high hopes and dreams that will someday become a reality, for sure. I wish I lived in a castle with a man I loved dearly (who loved me back) and we'd live happily ever after.

But this is reality, and reality is cold, hard, and difficult to swallow. Reality is that not everyone lives the fairytale life they want and not everyone lives happily ever after.

Lots of love,
Aleigha x