32. How They Hold You Like a Gun.

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 The nightmares had stopped that night after she had found some peace in this place, but her family had been on her mind. She had asked Aaron every day about their plans and when they would go back in, but he had been evasive about her questions. Adelina stretched before heading down the stairs.

"I can hear you clomping down the stairs from all the way in the kitchen." Aaron teased as Adelina trotted down the stairs.

Adelina smiled as she watched him and Madeline sitting on the sofa drinking coffee together.

"Well seems like you woke up in a good mood," Madeline asked.

"I just am glad you two have each other." Adelina stilled thinking of Daniel and Asmund. Her heart twisted. She had been betrayed by both, but that didn't change her feelings. She had cared deeply for both of them.

"What's wrong?" Madeline asked getting off the sofa and walking over to Adelina.

"Nothing. I'm okay."

"You know you can talk to me," Madelina took Adelina's arm and pushed her towards the kitchen. "Even though you've been happier I can see something bothering you."

"I'm that easy to read huh?" Adelina questioned as Madeline nodded. "I'm just not sure what to feel anymore Madeline. I loved Daniel, I really did. We grew up together. I still remember the first time I laid eyes on him. We were 6 years old and it was our first day at school. Everyone always picked on me when I was younger and he was one of the first to be kind as well as defend me. If any kids ever teased me he was always there." A tear slid down her cheek. "He meant a lot to me. I know what he did with my sister was awful, but was it truly something unforgiveable? I let him die and he thought I hated him. I feel like the entire thing is my fault. They were after me.... They wanted me...why couldn't I have just given up myself up without getting him involved." Adelina rambled as she cried onto Madeline's shoulder. "I just don't know how things turned out the way they did. I don't understand. And what makes it worse is while Daniel suffered I fell in love with one of those monsters. We had this connection I can't even begin to explain, but that doesn't change what he was. How could I have done this? I feel like I've betrayed everyone I loved. My family could be dead for all I know and I've done absolutely nothing." Adelina rested her body on one of the counters as she wept.

"I'm sorry Adelina. I know none of this is easy, but you can't blame yourself. You were just living your life when everything you knew was ripped away from you. I've been there. I understand. You can't give up, though. I blamed myself when Aaron got captured. It had been my idea to go and hunt that day outside of our lands. He had gotten captured protecting me. I could blame myself all day for these things, but what good does that do? The pain will always be there but you can heal from this. I know Aaron is trying his hardest to get back in there and get your family out. He has been working hard so please try not to cry and try not to blame yourself. You'll make it through this and you'll be stronger."

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