To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

10.

So guys, the male gender is just no fun. Don't get me wrong love them, it's a yes from me, 10's all around but the feelings.. You know?
They get you attached
As you know if you've read my story before I had a friend I liked a lot and I never said anything
Well,..... I told him
He felt the same it was a happy time
I thought maybe because we were friends
Maybe because I knew him, or atleast I thought I knew who he was things would be fine.
But because I knew who he was and how he was I didn't.
I had never been more puzzled by a guy in my time of being alive.
He sweet talked me
I believed him
Every. Single. Word that he spoke
He was treating me how he hadn't before, before we admitted how we actually felt.
He told me how I was important to him and how he wouldn't hurt me, how he wouldn't mess "this" up.
He promised me
He promised he wouldn't hurt me, and he did more than that
He took a piece of me
You see no he wasn't my boyfriend but I really liked him and we were working things out, something wonderful could've happened.
In some ways I can blame myself and say I shouldn't of been so negative.
But that's who I am
I always look at both sides of a situation, in a way to avoid being hurt.
I didn't trust guys
Not a single. Word. They. Said
But I trusted him
I knew him
We were good friends
I was vulnerable
Every single thing he said to me
I thought he was..
I thought maybe because I knew him
And I actually know who he is and is not
I thought that maybe because I had this information
That things wouldn't turn out how I expected, that for once I'd be wrong
And I was wrong
He disappointed me
By turning my worst, my worst thoughts of him and our "situation" into reality
I asked God
I was selfish
I asked for "a boyfriend" I asked for clarity about him
I prayed for this
And god taught me a lesson
I shared pieces of myself with this boy
He broke down my brick wall/ shield of armor that protected me all these years
That kept everyone out and kept me safe
My feelings
My thoughts
I always told people it's weird being in a relationship
I haven't been in one to this day
I never tried
I turned everyone down
And so I promised myself I'd try again
I tried and everything he said
How he acted
It felt good
And then a bomb went off
And "poof" it was all gone
I had realized he planted a bomb in me
I felt nice
I was happier
And blinded by how he spoke to me and treated me did I foolishly overlook the poison
He had slowly broken me down and apart and then left me with a crumbled down wall
All of my friends say what I had to them
"Forget him" "he's trash" "move on you'll be fine"
I know
And I know they're reading so thanks for the help guys but..
He
It's hard
I'm hurt
I never got this far before and now I have to take two steps back
I want to cry all the time
I can't
I'm strong but I'm hurt
I don't know what to do
I pray
I smile
I say I'm okay
I'm not
I was fine
And then he texted me
You know I know my worth
I'm lucky enough to
And I realized that most importantly I'm good enough
And maybe I was too much
Too good enough for him
And he couldn't handle it
I'm a daisy
I'm generous, kind, smart, poise
I'm a young woman
I'm classy and nice
Why pick a daisy in a field of roses
Well,
He can get pricked in another field
By another rose
And a sharp thorn
I'll always have love for him
After all that's my friend
I'll be there
I'm always here
That's what he told me
But never could I look at him the same
So I need time
So in conclusion to all of this
Look sis, when you're sitting tired of all the pain and hurt
Do not harm yourself
I thought of killing myself
I knew I wouldn't but shoot in the moment I was ready to go
Don't even dare think of such a thing
You are more than enough
There is a perfect place for u
And maybe the guy you're crying over that you believe thinks nothing of u
Guys are good at disguises
Maybe you're hurt because he moved on too fast
He's afraid too
He's just as hurt
But most importantly sis, and don't ever forget this
You are the epitome of everything
And maybe you were too much for him
He didn't have a big enough glass for you
Don't ever settle
Don't ever give up
Cry, it's okay
Take a deep breath and try again tomorrow it'll take some time
Everything's gonna be okay
Have a great day- Llogan 💖