To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

24

I'm sick of people's shit.
Specifically the stupid ass boy I decided to claim as my "boyfriend".
I'm mad.
I'm jealous.
I'm pissed.
And I'm most importantly angry.
I don't trust people.
I trust this boy.
Correction.
I am trying to/ have tried to trust this boy.
Update: I have failed.
And o my god I thought I'd never see the day when I decided to trust another boy completely but bitch here it is.
He's sweet.
He's so nice to me, he buys me food, has taken me out, etc.
BUT THE FUCKING PROBLEM IS YOU TEXT ME ALL DAY LONG SAYING YOU MISS ME AND SHIT BUT DON'T TRY TO SEE ME.
Bitch I'm in College.
Not too far away from home.
Guess who has a car. THE NIGGA HAS A FUCKING CAR BUT DOESN'T ROOM ROOM TO dis BITCH
WHY?
All I want to fucking know is why?
Snapchat tells all.
I hate social media.
You don't text me for hours.
We hang out and. Well we hung out twice.
TWICE
YOU TOLD ME YOU DON'T HAVE SCHOOL FRIDAYS BOOM BITCH. AN OPPORTUNITY BUT NO.
Always with your friends. And that's not the problem. The problem is they're all girls. And yea I'm "cool", and yea I'm not "annoying". By one thing I am is fucking tired I'm tired of everyone's shit I'm tired of school, I'm tired of my family, I'm tired of fucking everyone but this STUPID FUCKING BOY AND HE IS CAUSING ME STRESS TOO.
Here's some advice bitches :
You should completely trust whomever you're with. I haven't kissed him because I don't fucking trust him (and mostly I'm a punk). I don't wanna do shit with him because I feel like he's gonna tell. Tell whomever the fuck else when it's no one else's business. And god GOD I hate that I'm just figuring it out. Why my previous male "pal" who broke my heart and ruined my depiction of all males, why he would be so angry at me telling my best friend about he and I and what we talk about and what he said to me. I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT AND LIKE HE I DON'T LIKE THAT SHIT.
I wanna break up sometimes (rn I'm being over dramatic bc I'm mad as shit and I need to say how I feel or I will literally crumble and I refuse to allow myself to do that again) with the one guy I tolerate. I fucking told him I love him, because sometimes my heart does but I'm only 55% in it (I actually am 1000% in it but I don't feel like he is and the last boy ruined me truly being 100 so bitch I'm stuck at my new 100 which is 55). I don't feel 100% in fucking love.
I asked him did he do drugs. His friends do, they ride in his car they leave their lighters etc. etc.
he said "no" he's a liar.
I hate liars. I don't care who you are.
Lie to me = dead to me.
I don't like feeling like one minute you're all to me and it's us against the world and then the other fucking minute it's you your friends yall's fun against me.
I feel like I'm not fucking enough.
Like whatever the fuck I have to offer isn't enough.
We don't have fun.
I feel like I might be too boring for you.
Or you made yourself different for me I DON'T FUCKING KNOW I JUST DON'T LIKE IT.
And it makes me wanna cry a lot.
And I don't know how to say it to you in person or text but it hurts my feelings that I don't trust you.
And I'm sorry. Not to you but because I can't .
I cant be emotionally involved in bs anymore.
I feel once again like it's all a lie and you're just judging me and you don't rlly care and you tell your fucking friends and they prolly think the same shit I just I'm tired of people and I just wanna sink in a deep dark hole and never come back.
So , I don't know how to make this positive
But, I guess I'll say:
If you don't feel safe, or comfortable, or happy
Leave.
There's something for you, someone for you, happiness for you somewhere in this world and it is very possible to find it.
I'm searching for my happiness,
You all should too.
Love, Llogan ❤️