To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

bliss

So, here I am another night.
Same reason why I'm up so late
It's 4 am and I can not stop thinking about what is next.
You know it's strange.
When one day a person means the world to you and their mistakes are only masked by the idea that "they're just human" and you love them and they love you and then
One day you're both in pure love.
I mean real true love.
You feel like the world has stopped and allowed you both to have one moment
And that moment lasts
Until one day, you wake up and all is bad.
Everywhere but in the directions all pointing to him.
So you go deeper into trust and love and consume him all to be because in that moment when all was lost he was there to comfort you and set you free.
This has been sitting here. Unpublished for almost a year now. I'm here to set a few things straight. For me.
A lot has changed since we last spoke.
I've gone through tremendous ups and downs and I can't even begin to write them all out for you or me because it would be entirely too much to explain however the gist is,
reading back on these chapters from the beginning of my high school education until now. as I am approaching my junior year in college I am overwhelmed by my personal growth.
6 year old me
12 year old me
14,15,16,17 and even 18 year old me
Would each be proud.
I realized I'm slowly becoming the role model I needed when I was young.
I'm becoming the girl I wished to wake up as in the morning.
My anxiety has been good this last semester. I didn't have one panic attack and that is an enormous blessing.
I became more confident in my school work and acting abilities and completed numerous jobs where people on each set gave me wonderful advice and hope of my talents.
I made new friends.
And I learned to speak up for myself for ONCE in my life.
Being by myself has taught me the importance of self love.
And how detrimental it can be
How on earth did I expect to love someone else if I didn't even know who I was to try and love myself.
Here I am
At 4 am again
Thanking God that I don't want to die
Thanking God that I woke up today and that everyone I love was still alive.
These past few months have taught me a lot so I'll break it down to only a couple of things:
Tomorrow isn't promised , tell them you love them today.
Buy the bag, treat yourself, spend every last drop in your account and tomorrow when you regret all the bad decisions you made remind yourself the guilt you feel means you're still alive.
Pet the puppy,
Eat as much ice cream as you can,
Lay in the grass and paint really horrible portraits of yourself and others because if there is one thing I've learned at all this year from myself, friends, and school is:
That to be an artist is to be free. No one questions art they accept it. They love it. And they protect and nurture it. And being that we each are our own one of a kind special creations of God we as artifacts must remain free. In the simplest form ever. So here's to being naive and thinking and acting without hesitation, here's to kissing the boy or girl we really like ( we don't discriminate) and living like there's no tomorrow. Because there isn't and we should each fulfill our rights as beautiful creations to live and truly be,
free.

from:

- the flower that finally bloomed after years of failed blossoming.

for:

- the people in need of hope, those in need of love, and those searching and struggling to make their younger selves proud. Remember: you already know everything and everyone you're ever gonna need. What isn't here tonight will come tomorrow. And if there's enough room for the sun and moon to both shine together then there is enough room for you. What's coming will get here when you live for today and let tomorrow come. breathe. Rushing life is what everyone always regrets, slow down while you're ahead and enjoy being a young, bold, piece of electrifying art.

-Llogan <3