To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

30

why am I always treated like shit by people who request my presence in their lives?
How does it work when a boy a stupid boy plays your heart strings to make them sing his song and then one day stop.
Prior to this I always told people when they tried to enter my life that I wasn't ready for a relationship.
Truth is I was.
I just wasn't ready for the healing process of anything.
Maybe I wasn't.
I know I wasn't.
Better late than never ?
Maybe.
I just knew that a teenage boy like this one would break my heart (that's what I'm gonna say now to make myself feel better)
And leave me without a care in the world to go do miscellaneous shit with their friends.
I feel like I might just be an old woman in a little teenagers body.
Or maybe I was raised that way.
I don't know I just know that I'm different  and I've always been different
Always.
I'm the only one that's kept my word so far
And it sucks to be treated like shit and have the other person not even care about it. At all.
So you know what I'm not gonna let anyone else hold my heart again.
Truth is it's hard to grow up naive, knowing the world is safe and people are kind and happiness is simple.
It's hard to grow up and learn that none of this is actually true even tho it all should be.
It's hard.
And there's no book way of fixing it
Or feeling better.
There's no guide to getting your heart broken and sometimes the pain does last for a long long while.
These boys are ruthless.
They don't care about you they barely care about themselves.
They do drugs because it's the teen thing to do —-right?
They hang with their friends all the time and sort of have their girl in the back of their mind. Maybe she'd like to have some time spent with her too right?
I am a firm believer that everything is a lesson. If it's meant for you it will come back to you if you release it. Nothing can stand in the way of God's plan.
But I promise love isn't easy but I have this feeling it should feel like it. You should be happy.
You should feel wanted.
And valued.
And loved.
You should feel loved and be so happy that you're being loved. It should be good for you. It shouldn't be pain inducing and stress causing it should bring peace. True love brings peace.
And yes. I'm 18.
Yes I know nothing.
But I know how I feel now.
And I know pain doesn't last forever
But I do know what it feels like to be happy.
And I know I love it.
So here's my advice to my sad heartbreak update:
Get your heartbroken
Remember how it feels to be heartbroken
Remember the pain and the person at their worst.
And then remember them at their best.
And use how you felt to decide what was enough for you.
Just think
Maybe if you didn't get your heart broken you would've never known pain.
And maybe just maybe one day they'll feel it.
They'll realize they messed up
They always realize too late and that is okay.
18
18 means you have your whole life
And your whole life is not defined by this one boy who doesn't know how to love. Or this one moment where you forgot how it felt to be happy.
Don't hold it against him or against yourself.
It's okay.
It's okay to forget yourself as long as you go back to get yourself.
It will always be okay.
Because just how you learned to get your heart broken they'll learn how to feel your pain.
And when they do maybe it will choke them up as much as it choked you up.
Life doesn't work in debts.
Sometimes people never learn.
And sometimes people break.
But everyone heals even if it takes light years.
People. Heal.
And soon some day you will too.
I know for myself it makes no sense now. But maybe one day it will. I'm not sure yet but when I figure it out maybe I'll be better.

- from the girl who has gotten her heart broken so many times she forgot that she can heal too.