To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

Eighteen

Okay
I'm hurt.
I feel like when you actually want to get over someone no matter how much you may feel that you have already, it's still gonna creep up on you.
For a long time
I mean it's been a few months guys,
I stopped checking socials,
Worrying about him texting back
All of that .
But you know what, the biggest downfall of being single is that sometimes you get lonely
And sometimes it actually affects you.
Right now I'm mad.
I checked his socials (like a dumbass)
But fr, for myself I had to do it
And it made me MFN angry.
It had me questioning my amazing self and that's honestly why I'm so mad.
See, sis what you have to remember is that someone out there will genuinely appreciate you for you.
You shouldn't have to force someone to appreciate you.
That's literally bs.
There are prolly hella ppl out there afraid asf to say something or to approach you and that's making you think you aren't enough.
I'm sick and tired of depending on other people for my own happiness.
I'm tired of feeling like I owe it to certain people to treat them with respect.
I'm tired, I really am so tired.
So I've decided enough is enough and it's been way more than enough.
I'm done.
I'm done texting people I honestly don't want to text, back.
I'm done putting up with people's shit.
I really am.
Don't call me unless you schedule an appointment.
Don't expect me to do favors for you, because I won't and I won't be sorry.
Don't expect me to tell you I love you, or expect me to actually care
Because I don't and I will not apologize for finally putting myself first FOR ONCE IN MY GODDAMN LIFE.
I'm done sugar coating I'm telling people exactly what I feel from now on.
"Are you okay?"
No
"You look tired"
Bitch I am
"What's wrong ? "
Everything , and often I want to fucking die
There are no more "I'm fine's" or "it's okay's"
Because it isn't
People need to understand and specifically this goddamn boy that you can not
I repeat
CAN NOT
Treat people like they'll always be there, like they aren't important, like you don't value them and expect them to treat you the same.
Bitch fuck you
And I mean it
I'm mad asf
I WANNA cry
I know I tell you guys to leave him if he doesn't treat you right.
Leave him sis
But how, for gods sake, how do you leave someone you aren't with.
Disney should stop
Stop with fairytales only teaching little girls how to fall in love instead of out
Teach me how to end this please.
I told him it was over
Wrote a whole goddamn chapter of my book about it.
He apologized but it isn't over
I'm still mad
Why?
At this point why the fuck is he still in my life
Honestly
What does he want from me?
Why continue to make me suffer?
You don't want to be with me, you say shit to me friends shouldn't say to other friends, you expect me to hold you as if you're special to me, you think I'm always gonna be there for you, but you don't want to see me with someone else.
BITCH
FUCK YOU
F U C K Y O U
FUCKYOU
Stop fucking limiting my goddamn happiness
Selfish bastard
I'm tired I rlly am
I'm cutting him off
I unfollowed his socials
I'm tired
I can't with him
Deleted his text thread
About to delete the # because he is genuinely making me sick.
I know my friends will read this.
Don't ask me if I want you to send it to him ( just know deep down inside I want you to)
I want him to suffer
But that's not nice.
Being raised nice sucks sometimes, because sometimes you never truly get to treat people as shitty as they treat you.
God will handle him.
Read my story and learn sis.
Please prosper.
Cry over the boy and then leave him.
Don't lurk around either, it'll only make everything worse.
I promise, I've seen what it does to a person because it's happened to me.
So I may cry,
I may laugh
I'm not gonna answer his calls anymore
I don't wanna see his face
I'm disgusted by the thought of a little confused ass boy.
I pray one day if the lord blesses me with a son that he will not treat young ladies the way his mother is being treated now.
It's time I took a stand for myself.
Let's all pledge,
Pledge to being for ourselves, free, curious, happy, and alive.
Nothing more, nothing less than our complete selves.
Please grow and love yourself because without your own love there will never be any.
Love, Llogan ❤️