To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

Twentyone.

Well, here I am
At 4 am up, and sad as shit.
I think I'm only sad because I'm tired and my playlist is sad.
I graduate high school on Monday,
A reminder on my phone just told me everything will come together soon,
I got straight a's
I won prom queen
Everything has been so good
So...
Why am I sad?
Well,
I feel like I'm losing people.
My friends are saying goodbye than see ya later
Everyone appears to be a different person than I've known them to be and it hurts.
It hurts the most when you can't tell anyone how bad it hurts
And that's the worst part.
So many FUCKING good things have happened to me
I DIDNT FUCKING KILL MYSELF
I AM SO PROUD
but I need help.
My family is broke as hell
Idk how we're paying for college
Idk how we're buying things for summer
Idk how we're surviving
Because we have nothing but give everything
So,
Here I am
4:05 am
In a room with my sister
Balling tears silently so she doesn't hear me
Feeling like I didn't fully experience high school because I was cautious and everyone else I know wasn't
Feeling lost because everyone I care about seems to barely give a shit about me
I'm going to make this a thing one day
A real book because it's carried me through so much shit since 9th grade and I can't ever forget it.
There's a new boy
But he's playing catch and football and basketball and every other damn sport with my feelings so ya know what fuck him.
He's getting on my last nerve.
Doesn't speak to me or tell me shit, but tells his best friend everything about how he feels about me and any other thought.
I feel like everytime a boy likes me this shit happens
There's no communication
No trust
And ultimately no happiness
For once I just want to be happy
And have someone happy with me
So we could be happy together
My bff is happy
She's not as close with me anymore I feel
But she's happy and well always be straight
Always because family never folds.
It's kinda sad
Really sad looking back
On highschool and all I've been through
The less I look back
The happier I am
So, here's to new beginnings
I'm gonna re invent myself this summer
And anyone against me shall not prosper
Because when u hate on happiness
The sadder u become.
I need to learn how to not rely on other people as my source of happiness.
I'm tired
I'm tired of people pretending to care how u are
Pretending to love you
Pretending to actually want to be in your life
To my friends that read this,
Thank you for reading
For trying
For being
Thank you.
And to any stranger who has ever read this
Thank you
Because I know it's easy to get bored with some anonymous girl's life
And you haven't yet
As I do or atleast have done
I'm gonna end this on a positive note,
When life gives you a reason to cry, cry
When people give u a reason to yell, scream
When worries become problems, pray
And always remember that tomorrow is a new day.
Full of new possibilities, opportunities, and about 10,000 different outcomes.
Most importantly always remember please that :
Everything is going to be okay.
Today is a new day.
You can try again tomorrow.
Dream a little dream each day.
It gets better.
And finally,
That it is not yet the end.
Thank you,
Love,
Llogan 💖