To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

11.

I wish there was a book , a guide of some sort
A wish, a commandment thing
Some kind of explanation or future knowledge of how I'll be later.
I'm sixteen and while I could've written it like this "16" much simpler, it adds more emotion
"Lol" but seriously
I honestly, genuinely, completely, most importantly
I am entirely confused
I am lost
I am so misunderstood, well not myself but you get where I'm going with this
I do not understand how a guy a person can have this affect or effect use either, on a person
I'm young
I have grades, my job, school, peers, family, aspirations, plans, summer, my future.. etc.
All things to distract myself with
All things to work towards and look forward to
But what in the hell am I doing
Literally trying to keep myself taped together long enough to face the world and convince everyone I'm fine, I'm "okay"
Bitch I'm sad
This boy
He hasn't left my mind
I don't understand
I've done everything right except tell him
I honestly would say I don't care anymore, but that would be a honest lie
Some days I'm great
Others
I really want to cry
This boy has literally controlled me
He has taken my mind and like done some spell on me
I honestly should beat his ass
He has me so messed up right now
I don't even remember what day it is
And the worst part is
It sounds like I'm crazy
Listen to what he's done
After we "liked" eachother and agreed to "work things out"/ figure out how to progress our relationship
He texted me
Every. Single . Fucking. Day
Now
Literally the day after we had decided it wasn't good for us he stopped replying
I could call myself stupid
I want to call myself stupid
Hell I even want to say I was stupid
Too bad I wasn't
We as girls get blind sighted
And distracted fast
I myself get very distracted
Dealing with "mr. perfect" from before and then now this
I'm just like WTH
HOW
GOD
@GOD WYD
PLS
HELP
I've cried
I've prayed
I haven't been patient though
I should
I can
But I can't
I'm impatient
I like him
This bitch made me like him
He's slick
He said shit like " I'm selfish how can I make u mad so I don't"
Lmaoo fuck him
(You see how fast my sadness becomes anger)
Part of me wants him to say let's try again
Because we didn't
And the other part wants me to kick his ass
A week in a half
Fucking 9 days (I'm guessing)
"The spark is gone"
Bitch
You had the lighter
You promised u wouldn't set me on fire
Lmao I'm burnt now
And I should burn him too
I really should
I probably shouldn't
But shit that doesn't stop me from wanting to
So because I always try to be nice and help others through bullshit like this when I'm writing to sort of help myself
I say all of this to say
Fuck him
Literally delete all his shit
We took a picture
He came to see my performance
It's such a good picture
But fuck him
So send it to your BFF and delete it
Trust me sis, this will save u
Delete his thread, number, all of it
And when he does you like he's doing me
Texts you back whenever because "you're always there, you'll always be there"
Say "who's this?"
Make him think
Make him understand
No
I'm not always here
Sorry I'm not around when it's convenient for you
Fuck you
Tell him you forgive him before u do this though
Don't explain
Just send it and delete
Delete it all
Because unlike fucking up in life you can delete this text message shit
The government may "have it" but who cares
If they do that's their problem now
Guys do this
And yea it may get worse
They are selfish
They want one thing
Not all
But most
So HUNTY please
Find a job
Make some coins
And look good
Grow spiritually, mentally, and hell physically
And watch how when you start doing good he'll try to be back
Hit him with the :)
And keep it pushing
One of my fav songs by my fav drake (feel no ways) helps a lot too so take a listen sis
The sun will shine tomorrow babygirl
And never forget
My motto
My bestfriend
It does get better
So continue to be a pretty bitch
In silence
Tend to your garden and let the butterfly come, stop chasing the bee.
- Llogan 🤘🏼