Unwritten Pages

Chapter Seven: Mistaken

     I can't believe how stupid I am.

     I broke up with Lilian because of some stupid phone call. It's Drew's fault. Whoever this Drew guy is. Though I think he'll probably be at the funeral.

     I shut my eyes and imagine Lilian's beautiful face. Wait—why am I thinking of her as Lilian now? Her name's Desiree. Desiree Lilian. I close my eyes and then I open them. Lilian...that was what I use to call her when she hated me.

     So did that mean that we were back to hating each other again? I didn't want to think of it that way.

     “I'm such a bastard,” I say out loud. What I had said to Lilian—Desiree was plain rude.

     She had said that she never liked me anyways... I feel a tight squeeze in my chest. Is... Is it true? Was she...lying?

     No, I tell myself, she was just furious at the moment... She doesn't mean it...

     Right?

     I wish Winter were here. Then she would tell me what to do. We had a fight once, months ago. Maybe near the beginning of the school year. We broke off for a while. Winter convinced us that we were being stupid.

     Winter... She would know what to do now. She understands Lilian—Desiree.

     I like to think that I understand Lili—Desiree too. But that's obviously not true. I mean, I do understand her in ways... But I don't really know everything about her. I don't know what she would do or how she handles certain things.

     Sometimes, not knowing these things drive me nuts.

     Like right now.

     I swear to myself. Thank God that my parents aren't here. I'm swearing so much that they would wash my mouth with soap.

     “Why am I such a fucking douchebag?” I curse again and I throw one of my binders across the room. It hits a wall and falls to the ground.

     I hope my parents don't come up here to check on me. I know I was yelling at Lil—Desiree on the phone. I hope it wasn't loud.

     I think about the phone call again. When I called Lilian a Famous Little Celebrity Bitch. I feel horrible for calling her that... It's just...unthinkable.

     I indirectly insulted her for saying 'bloody'. She had been to England with me on our eleventh grade trip. A whole month in England. We both picked up some phrases. Saying 'bloody' was one of them.

     I think about how I had swore at her. I wonder if she's...crying? I know it must hurt for your boyfriend to call you a 'mother fucking bitch'.

     I know that Lili—Desiree's insults hurt me—even though she swore to the minimum.

     She had told me to go mess around in everyone's bed. Thinking about that really upsets me. Especially the part about Liane.

     Liane disgusts me, that's it. And I would never get into bed with the slut of the school—Melinda Soares.

     I want to talk to Lil—Desiree at the funeral, though I don't want her to scream at me during Winter's final moments above ground.

     I know that Desiree doesn't let go of her pride easily. That's a flaw in her. Though I kind of admiral that kind of flaw (the brave, unyielding flaws), it gets annoying at times when I'm trying to talk to her.

     I sigh and bury my face in my pillows. I can't believe what an idiot I was.

     And the whole argument started with this Drew guy. I wonder who the heck he is, if he could set us off like that. I hate that guy—even though I haven't met him. And to tell the truth... When Desiree went on protecting that guy... I felt kind of jealous...