Unwritten Pages

Chapter Forty-Two: Belong

     It's just too much.

     I have to give the bag of Meth back to Avery. I'm not sure where I'll find him, though I'm sure he'll be hanging around Chris's house...or Arianna's house. I'm sure he's trying to find out where she lives.

     Every time I look at the bag of drugs, I have an urge to take them. Just get high and forget the world around me. It can't hurt, a voice says, it's just once. Just one time. It won't hurt. You need it.

     But I know that it will hurt. I had gotten addicted to weed so easily. The first few shots made me calm instead of the usual high people had gotten. It helped me think and get through my school work and I had thought it was good for me. But after a few more joints, I started to get high off it. The feeling of high was so wonderful. I still remember it.

     I know that if I take Meth, the high will be more intense, but my addiction will be intense too. I don't want that to happen. God, I don't want to go to therapy all over again. I don't want to sit in some stupid room while a therapist tries to coax answers out of me.

     It's been a full day since Desiree has left. With each passing second, I find myself closer to just giving myself up.

     I spot Chris hanging out in his front yard again. This time, he's with a bunch of (I have to admit) good-looking girls. I can't hear what he's saying, though I know he's making a fool of himself. I want to take the bag of Meth and throw it at Chris, but I doubt that he'll give it back to Avery. Meth can be quite expensive and even though I'm not involved with drug dealing anymore, the thought of Chris getting free Meth makes me slightly angry. I had to pay for mine in ninth grade.

     The girls follow Chris into his house. I scrunch up my nose. What are they going to do? Have a threesome? No, more than that. Actually, I don't even want to imagine it. I turn my head away from the window. I don't need to know what goes on in Chris's house. I definitely don't need to know that.

     If Chris is bringing random street girls in his house, then I doubt that Avery's in there. Even though Chris and I have always disliked each other, my other friends seem to find Chris the funniest person on the planet. We use to hang out a lot at his place. He only brought girls (or Faithella) in when we weren't around.

     I stuff the bag into my shorts pocket. Luckily, Avery hasn't stuffed the bag until it was full so it doesn't look conspicuous.

     I know I need to give this back now. Or at least—I should return without the bag. As long as I don't throw it away near my house, no one will know I had this. No one except ex-friends and my girlfriend.

     Though I feel slightly reluctant to throw it away. Even though it had been a 'free' sample, it isn't actually free at all. I don't like the thought of throwing all this away. It feels like throwing free money away and that doesn't sit well with me.

     I'm not exactly sure where Avery is, but I think he's in that alleyway that we smoked in. Or—I use to smoke in. I still see my ex-friends there when I walk past. Though we never really acknowledge each other anymore. They use to insult me because I ditched them. But really, they were the ones who left me out there by myself. If anyone ditched anyone, it was them.

     The alleyway isn't far from school. Though it's far from my house. Luckily, I bought some my bus pass with me. I also have my identity card with me too so I don't have to worry.

     I leave the house. My parents aren't home again. Personally, I think that they should have been keeping a closer watch on me. If I were a parent with a kid with a history like myself, I would definitely keep a watch on them. Winter...died. And some people think I felt obligated to stop with the drugs because of her. But now that she's gone, people will think I won't feel bound anymore.