Unwritten Pages

Chapter Forty: Trust

     When you tell yourself that you're an idiot, you're usually just self-loathing. When others tell you that you're an idiot, they're either joking or hate you.

     This is one of the times that it's different. I'm an idiot because I actually am an idiot. I had conveniently thrown the Meth that Aiden had given me on the bed in the open where everyone could see. Desiree had been walking by and had seen it. It had made it look like I've been cooped up in my room all week doing drugs. Desiree didn't even listen to me when I told her otherwise. I've never been high this week, but she didn't believe me.

     After she had dumped the Meth on the ground, she had run out. I had a feeling that she expected me to start gathering the spilled contents instead of running after her. I didn't run after her because my parents would be home soon. And if they found this on the ground... I don't even want to imagine what will happen to me.

     I finish cleaning the floor and I put the contents back in the bag. They're slightly dirty, but I don't want to throw them in the garbage. Not that I don't want to—it's because I don't want my parents opening the trash can and finding this there.

     I'm going to give this back to Avery. I can't think of a good way to dispose of this without alerting anyone else other than giving it to Avery.

     After I'm sure there are no traces left on the floor, I bring the bag back upstairs. Thank God I don't have a dog in the house. I'm sure if I did, the dog would be able to smell out something different.

     After I throw the bag on a shelf, I open the journal again. I'm so...addicted to it. Forget my own life—look at Winter's. I didn't know that Liane had targeted her a few times. I didn't even know that...she was stalked... Maybe that's the reason she killed herself. But why? She could have called the police...

     Also, the last few entries had made me slightly uncomfortable. It seemed that she had started to have...feeling for me. Feelings that I can't return... Unrequited love... God, I hope she didn't kill herself because of me. I can't be that important, can I? No...definitely not.

     The feeling of that sickens me. Had I been the reason of her death? That doesn't even seem possible. But after reading her journal... I know that girls do stupid things, but surely not suicide over a boy? Surely not suicide over unrequited love?

     I realize with a sinking feeling that there are people who do that. Hopefully Winter doesn't fall into that category. Hopefully it's not my fault. It can't be my fault. I don't know how I'll ever be able to forgive myself if it is my fault that she's...gone.

April, 7th

     I meant to write more yesterday, but I forgot to. I mean...I got freaked out again. I mean...I thought...it was over...

     I have to call the police soon... But...I'm still doubtful. I'm still doubting everything. Because why would it be me? Who would have the interest to stalk me? That's a question I liked answered.

     Anyway, art class was a lot calmer without Liane Chau to mess things up. The atmosphere felt relaxed, and I swear, even the teacher looked happier! Everyone was content without Liane to mess things up for them. Aiden seemed a bit guilty that he had did that to Liane, but I quickly convinced her she was a bitch that we needed to get rid of.

     Also, Aiden is acting a little weird. He's asking me so many questions about...the stalking...thing... I didn't want to burden him anymore. I was sure that it was my fault he was like this so I said that I didn't notice anything and that I thought the stalker had stopped following me. He seemed relieved by this news.