September 10th, 2014

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September 10th , 2014

            "As I said before, intuitive.

            It didn't take her long before she realized the remorse I felt for not being able to help her at all times, that I too am struggling. We were having breakfast, both of us with ugly dark circles underneath our eyes; her eyes were red from crying. But she was smiling, both with her lips and her eyes. She made it clear just how grateful she is for me just being there, and that every thing I do does help her. When I told her that I wanted to do more - the other night in particular when I just couldn't get up as my own thoughts wreaked havoc over and over in my head - she didn't say anything.

            At first I thought she didn't remember, that she had been so swept up in her own terror that she didn't notice, but she simply apologized. She apologized for not being there for me, for having to cope in her own way. I think we've come to a sturdy agreement that whatever we need to do individually to get through the night, we do. No hard feelings if she walks out, no hard feelings if I can't utter a single word of comfort to her. Then she kissed me as if she'd never get the chance to kiss me again; I felt something different in that kiss, but I don't know if she felt it too. Maybe it is what she feels every time she kisses me, I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm starting to understand us."


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