A Rouge with Powers

Chapter 8

"We need to talk about us." The second those words left his mouth, I froze. In this particular moment was something I knew I would always dread, but knew it had to be done. I sat back down quietly waiting for his next words. I watch as Jax's left leg starts to jump and his hand runs through his hair. He seems to be nervous, but to be fair no wolf is ever ready to reject their mate. In my case though, I am ready to be rejected. I'm ready to be alone and try to find someone to settle down with in the human world. It's frowned upon in the Lycan world, but wolves who have lost their mate will sometimes do this so they don't have to be alone forever. Usually wolves who lose their mates tend to go more towards a darker route though.

"Most of my pack still believe that your too dangerous to trust. I mean can you blame them though? Every rouge to have set foot on my territory has done something horrible, nothing good has ever happened when a rouge is here." His hatred for rouges seeps out with every word. I stay silent, ignoring the stabbing pain in my heart.

"So can you blame me or any other wolf for having doubts?" He asks, watching me, waiting for that one indicator that he was right to not trust me. I look back to my room, back to Jennifer and how both of us can never know what it's like for wolves to treat us like equals because in their eyes, we aren't. Maybe I deserve it, the hatred, the cold attitude, but not her. She was never supposed to be treated like this, not the daughter of a Beta. But of course, the rouges did this to her.

"I don't blame anyone." I say clenching my fists. My family put so many packs through so much destruction, so much pain.

"I can't even imagine what you have to go through, having a mate as disgraceful as me, a rouge." I say with just as much hatred that he gave to me. Jax breaks his gaze on me and looks down at the floor.

"Year after year I planned my revenge for the rouges that took my parents, it almost consumed me. But one day, something happened that changed my whole perspective on everything. Made me realize that just because a few rouges do such outrageous things like murder, doesn't mean that all rouges are bad. Sometimes I tend to forget that when it comes to my parents." Jax sits back on his chair, gazing at me, waiting for my response. My mind is reeling with this new information, I was mentally preparing myself for a rejection, not this. 

"Even though you are a rouge and still, no one really knows who you are. You're a complete mystery, it's like you didn't exist until I found you that night. Either way, my pack is still having trouble figuring out whether or not it's a smart to trust you yet." He continues when he figured that I wasn't going to speak, how can I though? Now knowing that there is possibility that Jax isn't going to reject me. How could he not reject me? Wouldn't it just be safer if he just went with a safer option, one that will keep his pack happy?

"Aside from my pack, I still don't know if I can trust you. I mean you haven't given me any reason not to but I can't help it, you're a rouge. But lately I've noticed things that a true rouge would have done differently." By his words, my head shoots up to Jax in confusion but also curiosity. There has never been a situation where someone told me that I don't act the way a rouge should act, so this obviously intrigues me.

"Like what?" Was all I could say because right now I didn't care if he rejects me or how he feels, because right now all I care about is what he sees in me that shows him I'm not a rouge.

"Well, first of all, this whole week you've been here and you haven't tried to escape. Which a real rouge would have tried by all means especially with the amount of freedom your given, I'm surprised you haven't tried. Lets see what else? Oh we can't forget about the fact that you willingly helped me get back my pack members which shows that you genuinely care about others." Jax explains his observations to me but all I could think about is that Jax hasn't only been judging me on who I am, but on my actions as well. Even though me being a rouge alone would have been a good enough reason to reject me, but Jax has somehow been able to overlook that most of the time.

"There's a fe-"

"Any other wolf would have rejected me immediately after finding out who I am. In fact I was prepared for you to reject me so I can get on with my life." I finally admit to him, finding my confidence once again. I lay back awaiting his respond.

"Three years ago I would have rejected you without a single thought. But I have to believe that not all rouges are bad, that some are just rouges by force. Especially the wolves who were born as rouges. The hatred they have to grow up with just because they were born into it makes me so sad, they haven't even been able to make their own decision on what kind of person they want to be, and they have to take all that hatred we pack wolves have for them even if it wasn't that particular rouge." He says with hatred, but not the same hatred he gives off talking about the bad rouges. This hatred is different but I've never encountered this type of hatred before. But his words, his words hits too close to home. The sudden surprise of Jax's words makes me shed a few tears because it's true. We pups that were born as rouges don't have any chance on figuring out who we want to be because the utter hatred pack wolves gives us just because of who our parents are. I wipe my face trying to keep up with Jax.

"One day I hope I can change that, but what's more important right now is this right here. I know you're a rouge but judging by your actions since being here, I can see that maybe you weren't suppose to be a rouge. So I am willing to make this work if you are willing to as well." Jax finishes coming to sit next to me on the couch. 

At this very moment I'm stuck. I trained my mind to be okay with never getting to experience what it is like to have a mate, given who my family is, and that I am a rouge. I came to terms with it and now at this very moment I had no response for him. I'm still trying to wrap around the fact that Jax doesn't want to reject me, that he wants to try being my mate. He has said before that he wanted to but I never believed him, not until now. 

'I won't let myself be happy, for your sake, this will be my punishment.'  

Hearing the promise I made to Chris goes through my mind, I know I can't let myself be happy, but how do I just say no to someone who is willing to over look the fact that I am a rouge. From my left I hear a sigh, Jax rests his head on the top of the couch cushion and looks up to the ceiling.

"I know this must be weird for you, that instead of throwing you out because your a rouge, I'm willing to try this for us not for you, not for me but for us. Because even though we are from two completely different worlds, for some reason we were chosen for each other. We both deserve to at least give this a shot." 

"Why do you have to make this hard for me! Why couldn't you be like every other wolf? Why couldn't you just reject me?" I lose the battle with my emotions and break down. Letting every tear come out without a fight, even having years of practice hiding my emotions, only a few minutes alone with Jax and I can't control anything anymore. 

How can I fulfill my promise to Chris if Jax wants to give our bond a chance! How would Chris feel knowing that I'm happy while he is dead. He should be experiencing all of this not me! I should be the one who is dead.

"Julie?" I keep crying not caring how wild I look right now. How Jax is watching me break down right in front of him.

"No I ca-can't, I can't do this. I should not be happy while he is dead!" I scream at Jax, he backs away just a little. I sit and cry on his couch while he sits on the floor by the couch. After a few minutes, I start to calm down and lay down not having any energy to do anything else. I wipe my face off with my sleeves and glance over to Jax who seems to be lost in thought. He's been quiet ever since I screamed at him.

"I'm s-sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." I say turning over so I don't have to look at him anymore. I hear movement from behind me.

"It's okay, I understand how you feel." I feel something cover me and then I hear him walking away from the couch that I'm on.

"Like I said before, rouge or not we all have our demons. I'll be right here when you want my help with your demons." Too tired to respond, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

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Okay another update. I promise this wait will be worth it! Thanks to everyone who has stuck around so far :)

See you next chapter

~Bri