The Enigma's Anomaly

One Way Or Another I'm Gonna Find Ya

"Gerard if you don't need me here, I should be heading out," I say.

"Aw, why Frankie?" Oh there he goes with the Frankie thing. I think I just died a little inside, in a good way.

I check my watch, and it's almost seven at night. Gerard is frowning on the couch next to me and he looks honestly upset by my words. I don't want to leave, but I also don't want to over stay my welcome.

"Gerard," I groan, "Mikey said he's staying over. You don't need me!"

"Yeah, but I want you to stay over, I don't have a choice when it comes to Mikey," he says, and I feel kind of giddy at his words. Mikey left half an hour ago to get an overnight bag or something. I honestly do want to stay here with Gerard, but I'm too afraid of being too intrusive. The trouble is that now that he's here, and now that I'm not trying to kill him, I have no real reason to be near him other thanto be near him. I don't want to spend so much time that he starts to dislike me though.

"Pwease?" Gerard says and he bats his eyelashes repeatedly at me. He's like a fucking hypnotist, I swear to god. Gerard could be a magician. He would just ask the audience to imagine a bunny being pulled out of a hat and they'd probably see it.

"God, Gerard!" I say sighing, "fine."

"You'll stay?" Gerard asks, and he looks absolutely thrilled.

I nod grimly and he smirks. A second passes and I'm not sure what's happening anymore. I think I'm going crazy.

Because one minute I'm sitting next to him and the next he's kissing me.

And oh shit he's kissing me. Oh shit. Oh shit. Shit!

Like actually. He's actually kissing me. That's actually Gerard and this is actually me and holy fuck.

The worst part is that this boy can kiss. I never really make a distinction between good kissers and bad kissers but Gerard is definitely a good kisser.

I can't even stop myself from kissing him back, because he's amazingly good at it. My stomach feels kind of tingly. What is he doing to me? He's making me lose my guard.

I'm supposed to kill him. Except I'm not. I'm not going to do that. Now would be a perfect time. Absolutely perfect. I could just take my gun, and put a bullet through his head without even having to look but I can't. I can't, and I won't and I sure as hell don't want to.

But I can't kiss him either. This is too quick, and I don't know what I'm doing yet so this just can't happen right now.

It takes me a minute to find my bearings, but I do manage to push him away. I really don't want to though. I would rather do anything but push him away.

"No Gerard," I mumble, and look down at my hands.

I can't bear the thought of looking at him, but he probably looks hurt. I'd feel hurt too. I kissed back, who wouldn't feel hurt?

"I thought... I thought..." he says, but he doesn't finish and I feel even worse.

"I'm sorry. Gerard, I'm sorry," and oh god I am sorry, but I lift my head and look anywhere but at him.

"You kissed back," he says, and it's so quiet I almost can't hear it.

"I can't mix work and, er, you know," I say. That's very true, but he doesn't know that I mean my other job, rather than the journalism thing.

"You don't like me anyway," He mumbles and my guilt becomes infinite.

He doesn't say anything more and I turn to look at him, but that is a big mistake. He's like a wounded puppy, and I just kicked him. I just kicked a puppy.