The Enigma's Anomaly

New Leaf

I guess some people are kind of creepy in the way that they are overly nosey. I'm a bit of a creepy person so I'm not going to pretend that I'm someone I'm not.

You know how some people look through all your cabinets, or browse through your emails and stuff? Well I've done both of those things to Gerard. In my defense I only looked through his emails to try to gather some information on who might be trying to kill him. It was a little weird, but I had a good reason! This time, I don't really think I can call it justifiable. No, this time I'm just looking through his cabinets because I can.

It's the second day since I retired from my job. I went to sleep after that then immediately when I woke up went to Gerard's house and I haven't left since I got here yesterday. There is a certain attachment one creates with a person when they try to kill someone and then decide not to and fall in love with them instead. It's not exactly a common bond, I may very well be the only person who's ever found themselves in this shit, but I'm okay with it. After all, the result of having Gerard is enough to do just about anything.

I would literally have done anything if I met this boy in high school. I was a bit of a loser in high school, not going to lie, always getting sick and a member of the D and D club. Yeah, I was a major loser, but it's okay, because now I'm capable of lethally hurting you with a Q-tip. I've leveled out in the past few years, but if I had met Gerard whilst fighting evil Wyverns and Golems then I would absolutely have made myself look like an idiot trying to hang out with him. I was high for good portion of my teen years though so I might have been too preoccupied to notice him. He's almost four years older than me so I'd have only known him as a freshman, but believe me, I was a dorky-ass freshman.

Something tells me my mother never intended me to end up killing people for a living, but she was always a woman who valued manners and by default that means the respect of people's personal space. I don't know if she'd protest more to me murdering people or me rifling through a guy's sock drawer. I have done both in my life.

There really isn't anything interesting in Gerard's sock drawer in case you were wondering. By some odd coincidence, there are socks in his sock drawer. Who'd have thought? There are a few batteries in there which is weird, but it could be weirder. I guess I can be glad that he doesn't have any porn hidden in his wardrobe. It could always be somewhere else, but it's not in the most likely place so I'm glad that if he does have a secret porn stash hidden around here somewhere, at least he's good at hiding it.

I should mention that he's in the shower right now. I'm not just looking through his stuff right in front of him. It's the middle of the afternoon sometime, we'd been awake for a little while, but we were watching Top Chef. I never knew how thoroughly captivating cooking shows are, but those things are literally as addicting as cocaine.

He's got a huge pile of comic books in his closet. Quite a few graphic novels as well. He really likes the X-Men. Good to know. It doesn't look like he's a huge fan of Spiderman or some other superheroes because of the lack of copies, but I could be wrong. He might have more stacks of comic books somewhere else that I just don't know about.

I'm actually glad to see that he's not one of those guys who collects comic books and then seals them and never actually reads them. That always seemed so pointless and rude to me. I get that you want to keep your comics in nice condition and I understand that, but at the same time they were written to be read. The author didn't write it just for it to end up in some airtight plastic container for its entire life. It's a waste, in my opinion, so I'm happy that Gerard isn't like that.

I don't actually find anything interesting until I get to the shoebox under his bed. That's always a touchy place to find things because it's either incredibly boring, or it's incredibly embarrassing.

I'm not going to say exactly what I found under there, but let's just say that I'm a little more convinced of his sexuality. One of the things under there is a, shall we say... vibrating phallic shaped object? That could easily be an electronic toothbrush, but you know what I mean.

When the water turns off I have to stop snooping, so I put everything back in its place. My phone buzzes a few minutes later so I decide I might as well answer it. I guess I should've been expecting this particular call, but I'm a bit frazzled by it anyway.

It's the editor of the magazine I wrote an article for. Part of me isn't entirely convinced that what I did the other day really happened. It seem so long ago, and it just doesn't seem at all possible. Being with Gerard had practically made me forget all about it. I forgot about my past, and about my decision, but it's a life decision. Giving up my job is not just a move that will affect my work life, but it will affect my happiness, love life, work hours, and just about everything else.

It hadn't occurred to me the other day that by quitting my job would mean that I'd need a new one. I have to get another job or else I won't have money. I need money for rent and food and stuff, otherwise I wouldn't bother.

This all seems to be happening so fast though. I'm barely someone's boyfriend, I'm barely unemployed, and I'm barely human. Everything that's happened is so recent. For a little while I just stare at my feet while the phone in my hand is eerily quiet except for subtle noises on the other end. Gerard sits down next to me a few seconds later smelling like flowers. He looks at me while I'm staring blankly into oblivion and trying to sort my life out, and I'm quiet for so long that it becomes ridiculous. I have to give them an answer otherwise I'll miss out on this job opportunity, but I'm just so scared of leaping into a new life.

The whole point of getting rid of my guns was to start a new life, to quit the inhumane crap I've been in for three years, but it all just seems so surreal.

I know what my answer should be. I should say no. I should say no, and I should get out of this apartment to go buy a new arsenal, and I should go kill a guy. I should walk away from Gerard and his life, but it's reached a point where we all know that's not going to happen. I don't think I'm physically or mentally capable of turning back now. For one thing, I don't want to, and for another I actually feel like a human again and it's a great feeling.

It's like I was a zombie or some other monster that was just an echo of the real me. I was dead everywhere but in my trigger finger, and now that I'm not that person anymore, I can feel my own heartbeat. I can feel the air rush into my lungs making me real and it's enough to make my whole head feel lopsided, but at the same time, I feel whole again.

Maybe it's just because I'm reentering humanity with Gerard by my side, or maybe it's just the voluntary act itself, but it feels possible. It feels like I'm actually going to make it.

"Yes. I'll accept thank you," I say. The person on the other end of the phone says a few things before I hang up, but I don't pay attention to a lot of it. Something along the lines of having to negotiate a contract or something. That seem weird. For a long time a contract in my field is for a person's head but this is a totally different thing.

"Who was that?" Gerard asks.

"I just got a new job," I answer. He looks at me happily, and pecks my cheek.

"I'm glad I could be of some help."

"You? What did you do?" I tease.

"Well I was interesting enough that an article about me seemed well written," He says.

"Yeah, okay, sure. I have you to thank that I'm an amazing writer," I reply.

"Egotistical much?"

I shrug and say, "Not at all. It's not my fault that I'm gorgeous."

"You're not wrong there," he answers. I've got to stop blushing around him or Gerard's going to start to think that I'm related to a strawberry. I feel like I'm always acting like a dork in front of him. It's a wonder that he actually likes me because I can't even comprehend how much of an idiot I become when he's around. I feel intoxicated by him whenever he smiles because I feel so unworthy of being around him. I keep getting jolts of bewilderment whenever I remember how lucky I am to get to know him. Knowing him is enough, but I'm quite fond of kissing him to.

Gerard decides that it's late enough for dinner and I watch him get up to call for a pizza delivery.

I get a text from Mikey about an hour later with only one sentence, and I roll my eyes at the words.

"It looks like I would make a really great matchmaker."