A Year of Stories (Collection Three)

Mad Dolphins and Goblin Bank Tellers

There are more doors in this world than people care to realize. When they finally do realize, they often call me.

"So, when did you discover your new guest?"

"Guest? There is a portal in the middle of my living room, Vikram!"

"I can see that, what I can't see is how freaking out about it is going to help anything Jenny."

"Freaking out? Freaking out! There is a giant, glowing field of...who knows what, standing right next to my coffee table! All things considered, I think I'm downright calm."

"I would respectfully disagree, but you didn't call me for my opinion."

"I called you to get rid of it!"

"Right. Before all that, have you tried going through it?"

"Going through the giant, swirling mass of energy tearing up my carpet? No, I haven't! I barely want to be in the same room as the thing – it's probably going to give me a tumor!"

Doors don't always look like doors. Doors can look like anything at all really – an old archway, a garbage can, a few loose cables strung up in just the right way.

In Jenny's case, her door was an approximately square shaped space between a beautifully modern glass and steel coffee table, and a ratty leather couch her Uncle Marty donated to her when she moved up here after graduating.

"In that case, we should go through, see what happens."

"Are you insane?"

"Perhaps, but even if I was, it wouldn't relevant. How am I supposed to figure out how to close this thing, if I don't even know what this 'thing' is?"

"I'm not going anywhere near there!"

"Fine, then I will..."

"No! You won't. Your parents would kill me if my house ate you."

"Jenny, this isn't exactly my first Rodeo."

"That doesn't make it any safer!"

She was right about that. There was this one time in Arizona when a door turned up under the desk of a day trader who lived in a trailer out in the middle of the desert.

When I went through to investigate, I ended up meeting a Dolphin in full leather gear and a monocle, who called himself Blistered Pete. When I asked him why, he chased me around a hedge maze composed entirely of lavender and cutlery, brandishing what looked very much like a sharpened Salmon.

Don't ask.

The point is that strange doors, often lead to strange places.