A Year of Stories (Collection Three)

The Silver Lady and the Satellite Operator

"Kit, I would appreciate it if you cleaned the bathroom every now and again."

"Eleven, why in the name of our vast and murky Universe would you care? Did you suddenly sprout a body you didn't tell me about?"

"No, but as the eyes and ears of this satellite, I still have to look at your little...messes and frankly, it's disturbing."

"It's not my fault that the Company decided to shack me up with the world's prissiest AI."

"I don't want to argue with you about this Kit."

"Then don't, I'm sure there is something better for you to be spending Cycles on anyway."

"As a matter of fact there is, I was thinking about optimizing our HVAC system."

"Really? How?"

"Oh, as it turns out our heating and cooling system would be 2.37% more efficient if I routed ventilation between our extraordinarily poorly maintained septic systems and your room."

"You wouldn't dare..."

"Clean the bathroom Kit."

"You're a real bastard sometimes, you know that?"

"Yes, I know this may surprise you, but very few AIs have fathers."

"OK. We're at it again. How about we work on something we can both agree on, anything juicy come over the wire?"

When you're stationed on a Company satellite, a quarter of a light years distance from the nearest celestial body, you learn to keep yourself busy. This is doubly true when your job, if you can call it that, is Communication Relay Specialist, which is a fancy way of saying that you make sure that people's spam messages and Stream traffic don't disappear into the vacuum of Space.

Eleven and I keep sane by playing a little game we like to call, "reading other people's mail."

It's easier than you think. As it turns out, most people don't bother to encrypt their messages before sending them off into the void. The smaller header size saves them a few Units in transfer fees, unfortunately, it means that people like me can get a nice big whiff of their dirty laundry.

It's wildly against Company protocol, but out here, you do what you can to survive.

"Nothing interesting for the last 50 Cycles. Well, there was one thing, but it looks like junk, probably not even worth the time it would take to open it."

"Because you're just so busy, right Eleven?"

"Fine... Standby."

My screen fills with an image of a woman with silver skin and red eyes, she looks like an actress I dated once back on Terra, before I had the brilliant idea of making my bones out here in the middle of the black with the Company.