A Year of Stories (Collection Three)

Harriet's Emotional Paralysis

Hi, it's Harriet.

Isadore told me that I needed to be more honest with you, said that my "emotional paralysis" was slowing down my program.

I told her she was a half crazy slag...which she claims isn't anymore helpful than that time I keyed "Pricks Here" into her Jetta.

Anywho, I figured I'd give this truth thing a try. Hopefully, it'll calm her down before she has a stroke, and the State sends me back to foster care.

So without further ado, here are three things I haven't been entirely honest about. If you're mad, blame Isadore:

1. I sometimes dream about setting fire to your goldfish Mary-Kate. Don't ask me why, and don't read too much into it, but it turns up in my brain at least a couple times a week, so um, take that for what it's worth.

2. When I showed up at your house last weekend (sorry about that by the way), I fibbed a little when I told you "nothing was wrong."

In reality, I may have just gotten into a big fight with Isadore.

I may have run away from home a little to spite her.

And I may (please don't misinterpret this), I may have screamed, "I'll show you what a 'psycho' looks like! " when I left...

In any case, I never thanked you properly for opening the door that day... it really helped, so thanks.

3. Remember when I was using your kitchen and set the smoke alarm off? Remember how I said I was trying to cook some bacon, but didn't know how long to heat the oil?

Well that was kinda a lie, Isadore has had me cooking since I could see over the counter.

I wasn't cooking bacon.

And I feel really bad about what was actually sizzling in that pan.

On the plus side, you have a brand new goldfish, and didn't even know it!

So, yay.

His name is Wally by the way, you should probably stop calling him Mary-Kate.