Rilaya One-Shots

Angry

-Maya-

Everyday is torture. Maybe it's because of the hell hole I've dug into while trying to save myself. I've hit rock bottom, my life is a lie, I'm not anything near what I say I am. Especially when I say I'm straight or I'm crushing on Lucas or Josh. 'Stop it.' I mentally curse as I punch my wall making another hole in the line I have in my basement. I just wanna scream. Every ounce of my soul feels like I'm lost or I'm drowning. Drowning in my sorrow that's filled the hole I've made. It doesn't help that everything moves faster than my grandma in a mustang after she had an energy drink. It's like being in a car without brakes. Once you move your foot to the pedal, it becomes lead and you can't stop. The only time I'm strong enough to lift is when I'm around her. She's the one I like, she's just a ray of sunshine that could only ever think of me in a platonic way.

I mean after all she did start dating Lucas because she thought I liked him. I played around with that for awhile before it hurt so much I couldn't anymore. Why keep a good thing apart from eachother for a selfish reason? I moved to the upstairs of my house and grabbed the laptop, "Ok punching bags...." I mumbled ordering a couple bags from amazon so I could stop breaking my walls. It's so funny how I can't stop putting holes in my basement walls but I won't do it anywhere above ground. I clicked order an shut my laptop running a hand through my hair. I hate myself when I'm like this. I hate myself when I have to clench my jaw so tight it hurts to stop from screaming out in all my agony, when I have to sit on my hands so I can't punch something until my knuckles bleed. I get the feeling like an air vibration around my knuckles when it comes on, after that I'm a monster. If I don't stop myself Ill explode like the volcano I am.

My phone rang and I saw Riley appear on the caller I.D. Her smile lighting up the screen, I calmed down when I saw her and picked up the phone, "What's up sunshine?" I could practically hear her crack a smile, "Im outside." She hung up, the bass of the song from downstairs played loud and I ran to the door opening it, "Hey Riles ill brb I have to do something." I ran like a mad man to the basement door, none of my friends knew I had it, it was my secret room where I locked all my feelings. I reached the bottom of the stairs turning off the music and turning to leave before I heard a 'Woah'. I closed my eyes and bit my lip praying to god it was my imagination. But he didnt respond to my prayer, she stepped out infront of me. Her hair in a high pony tail and her top clinging closely to her perfect curves, her jeans fitting her just right. She moved to the biggest hole in the wall, there was dried blood on the corners of the plaster from the only time I ever beat till my knuckles were bloodied. Her delicate fingers traced over the specks as she turned back to me, "Why are there holes in the walls? Why is there dried blood on the edge of this?" Her brown orbs bore into me like a bulldozer, "I don't have any punching bags." I mumbled through gritted teeth, I could feel myself loosing a grip.

I made my hands into fists and kept them at my sides, my knuckles turning white. I shut my jaw tight trying to stay calm for he because I didnt wanna hurt her. She looked down at my knuckles, "You need to leave." I spat through gritted teeth, "Im going to hurt you get out." She looked normal until she realized what was going on, fear washed over her face like an ocean wave. She moved closer to me and I stepped back against the wall leaning on my fists, "Riley this attack will never end, I will hurt you, I don't want to hurt you please leave." My voice shook and her look changed from fear to concern when she heard me. I sank to the floor and she moved next to me, "Please, I'm going to hurt you, I can only hold it in for so long." She sat in front of me as I sat on my hands. She looked as if she was contemplating something, I felt a single tear find its way down my cheek. Riley did something unexpected, she moved me onto her lap my fists were trembling from no hitting something yet. She cuddled into me on her lap moving my hands out of a fist so she could intertwine her fingers with mine.