The Foster Kid (Part 10) (A Foster The People Fan Fiction)

Beautiful Mess

My eyes felt heavy as hell as I tried to open them and recall what just happened. I was livid at myself for letting myself break down in front of one of the strongest person I have ever met. He’s stubbornly strong. He always make me tell how I was feeling, but he always hides his. For all those years we glued ourselves to each other, I’ve never seen him get torn apart over his personal dead weight- not even a second. I had no right to lurch at him, yet I couldn’t control myself at that time. I felt like I was being pulled into a million different ways.

The weight of his arm was pinning me down on his torso. I just stayed still and listened to his calm breathing. I whispered his name a couple of times, but he didn’t answer. Which only means that he fell asleep too. I remember doing this with dad and then Andy after he died. Those sleepless nights with the nightmares, the thunderstorms, and the monsters hiding under the bed. At one point in my life, I told Cubbie that he reminded me a lot about dad. And at another point, I hate it when he’s trying to be just like dad. For crying out loud, I just told him that I was fed up with his daddy bullshit. Maybe it’s because I don’t want him to be like dad, but I want him to be dad. The guy who will always know what to do and would always find the best way to go things through. The guy who knows you head to toe, inside and out, from the day you form into a zygote up until the day you exhale your last breath, and would unconditionally love you. I honestly wish that Cubbie was and always will be dad. It got to the point where it would sometimes hurt to see him do all those things to and for me. It has always made me wish that dad was still alive. How would life be like when he was still alive? Would I ever meet the guys? Would all of this ever happen?

            I finally removed his arm and sat up. My cheeks felt dry and rigid from the dried tear stains. The clock on the dashboard said that it was eleven, which was surprisingly not as late as I thought it would be. I thought I would wake up with the morning sun dancing butt naked and blinded me. I didn’t want to wake him up. He looked so peaceful after I spat all over him. His phone flashed brightly all of a sudden and I was temporarily blinded. It flashed Ryan’s number, which means that he just texted. I pressed a random button and there were actually an abundance of texts from my husband. I forgot about him. I felt like this car that we’re in is a bubble that separates us from the outside world. That was also the moment I realized that he named Ryan ‘Ranting Ryan’ for his contact information. What in the world, Cubbie?

7:05 PM

From: Ranting Ryan

Hey, have you seen Ally anywhere?

 

7:59 PM

From: Ranting Ryan

She left her phone and I have no other way to contact her. Is she with you by any chance?

 

8:30 PM

From: Ranting Ryan

I am serious. I’m worried sick about my wife. Where is she?

8:45 PM

From: Ranting Ryan

Is she mad at me?

 

9:10 PM

From: Ranting Ryan

You can’t keep on doing this to me, Cubbie. I’m coming over to your house right this second.